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05.14.2002 - 2:37 p.m.


I've spent the day at home, today. Some stomach bogosity thing hit me this morning so I called in sick to work. Because the most important thing here is that I feel fine and dandy this evening because JB and I are seeing a live performance from The Kids in the Hall. I've been looking forward to it for weeks and no wussy-ass stomach bug is going to get in MY way. Step BACK, germy muthafucka.

I spent the morning reading, which was a nice luxury. Finally finished off Black House* and started rereading Dave Egger's Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius again.

So I've learned that hanging out at home during the day is nice relaxing change when you have a job, and a boring and increasingly desolate activity when you do not have a job.


Yesterday at work all the engineers were back. Once again there was activity in the building, and snatches of dorky conversation about video games.

Molly, who is the office manager and my office-mate, was like "Well, the guys are back. I can tell, because my candy bowl is completely empty." They had ganked her tootsie rolls over the weekend. MEN.

Most of the guys come to the office in the afternoon, then stay until wee hours. At first, I was all impressed and thinking how amazing it was that they worked so hard. But what I'm learning is that the line between "work" and "home" is severely blurred for most of them. After all, "work" has chefs, a full bar, a big screen TV that records all the shows you want, DVDs, another big screen just for video games, air hockey, etc. "Home" might be a futon in a studio apartment, for all I know.

I'm really enjoying this job. I get the opportunity to do things that only a VP would do in a bigger company, and there's no layers of management to contend with. Plus, the free food thing is really fucking cool.


So spending time at home today has allowed me to reminisce a bit about my months spent unemployed, and appreciate anew my current job. Because I had forgotten how it was to spend quality time with my sumo cat.

For instance, I got out a can of peas earlier (the heart wants what it wants, ok?). I tried to open the drawer that held the can opener quietly, but the cat picked up my thought patterns and rushed over immediately.

She stood there. Focused. Angry. Fat.

I opened the can, which launched her into a caterwauling that spiraled into a howl. I booted her gently and informed her that cats do not in fact like peas.

She argued vehemently that peas are a vital part of any cat's dietary regimen and strongly suggested that I serve her the peas fucking straightaway.

I chided her for her misguided beliefs and pointed out that her behavior was simply driven by tuna cans that had been opened in her presence in the past. I also brought up the fact that because of the absence of tuna odors her caterwauling clearly indicated that she was quite stupid.

It seemed she disagreed with my points and instead was convinced that it was unimportant what, exactly, was IN the can, the fact remained that she obviously deserved the contents, whatever they may be.

She then received several bootings, on the way to the kitchen table. She also received a series of verbal reminders that she was incredibly freaking retarded.

Eventually, she was given a pea.

Do cats like peas? The answer is no. Do cats make the intellectual leap to associate what you are eating out of a can is the same fucking thing as the pallid green object before them? No, they do not.


* I was really hoping for more time spent in The Territories, personally. And I didn't like the biker gang - too cheesy. And another thing - I'm a big fan of the Dark Tower books, and Black House seemed to shed more insight into the Tower mythology than the Tower books themselves do. So…what, a reader is supposed to know they need to, like, cross reference with Black House to get the full picture? I mean, here's the deal, Steve-O: get crackin' on the next Tower book. Fucking pronto. Quit screwing around with these teasers. And make sure you feature Oy, the billy bumbler. Or else.

go back ::: forward

05.13.2002 - (ending Shatner voice...NOW)
05.08.2002 - Except for all the HOT WET TEEN ASIAN PORN action, that is.
05.06.2002 - It was like this: "Ba-RUP! Pup! Pup! Pup! Pup! Pup! Pupupupupupupupupfffuufffffffff".

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