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03.11.2002 - 10:45 a.m.

I woke up this morning and I was all hot and every part of my body ached. Christ, I thought, have I got the flu again? And then the rest of the sleep-fog cleared and I remembered that I had spent almost 3 hours, wow, at the gym last night. Two yoga classes and a shameful session with a tanning bed.

Hey. I know it's bad for you. And obsessing about wrinkles is way up there on my self scrutiny hit list. But I'm all whiiiiite and pasty, dammit. I'm like those creatures only seen by spelunkers. Just a little color, is that too much to ask? C'mon.

So I went to the 4:15 yoga 'basics' class that I have been sporadically attending. This time I summoned the nerve to stay afterwards and try the 5:30-6:45 'intermediate-advanced' class. I've been too intimidated to try this one, mostly because of the obviously expert ectomorphs that come drifting in, all languorous and swan-necked, wearing trendy cute little outfits and sporting their own mats.

As it turns out, there are other actual real human beings that come to that class too, including a couple of people who were yahoos like me and wore tshirts, which immediately slide up to your armpits during most of the positions. Other than the furtive, constant shirt-tugging, I think I did pretty well. It got really hot in there and I felt all melty and bendy and at one point almost - almost! - got my foot behind my head. That would be a cool party trick, no? "Oh, you can use your tongue to tie a knot in a cherry stem? Feh. That's so Twin Peaks era. Watch THIS!"

Now it feels like someone snuck into my apartment in the middle of the night and pounded my ass with a large mallet. (Which would be a very freakish thing for someone to do, but who am I to criticize peoples' personal fetishes?) The other parts of my body that ache include: um, everything. Thighs? Ow. Pectorals? Oooch. That little pad of muscle on your hand in between your thumb and index finger? Eech.

But especially my ass. Anything that makes your butt muscles hurt that much has got to be good for you, right? I mean, a few more of those classes and I'll be using my buns of steel to open beer bottles and stuff.

Um. To clarify, not that the bottle would be anywhere near the actual potential entry part of my butt…oh, just forget it. You people.


JB called the other day with some news from Bangkok. He had arranged ahead of time for some people to take him on a scuba diving trip in the Gulf of Thailand while he was there. So on Saturday they had what sounded like a great dive 8 miles off the shore of Pattaya, Thailand, near some islands. JB was just taking off his gear after the last dive when he noticed his wedding ring was gone.

here's where they doveHe told me he immediately freaked out. How exactly am I going to explain to Sundry how I lost my wedding ring in Bangkok, where among other things they have actual blow job bars, is probably what he was thinking. He went to the captain of the boat and asked what it would take to get the crew to help him look for the ring. 200 baht, the captain said.

So JB offered 500 baht each to any crew member who would get in the water, and another 500 to the man who found the ring. (I forget the US equivalent, but it's a lot to those guys.) Everyone looked and looked for about an hour, when JB finally found it on the ocean floor near the boat. He said all the guys were so genuinely happy for him it was like a celebration. Also they all had 500 baht! Yay!


And after JB had finished telling me about all the cool stuff he did in Singapore and Bangkok, he had the nerve to ask me what I was doing for the weekend. So I told him about having both purchased AND eaten tofu. Somehow it didn't quite seem to 'measure up', but I'm sure that was just me.

go back ::: forward

03.10.2002 - I sliced its pallid dead zombie flesh and totally kicked it up a notch in the frying pan. BAM!
03.08.2002 - This entry is currently struggling into a petticoat, okay?
03.07.2002 - I remember thinking, I didn't have enough time.

0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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