04.21.2003 - 6:50 p.m.
Dear god, is the driving over?
Is it really? I
I feel like in a sense it never will be
truly over, that part of me is forever staring out a rain-sheeted
windshield as sections of I5 pass by, miles and miles and miles,
no rest stop in sight.
I'm so happy to be back, in
my own house, with the cat yelling at us about how we didn't
leave nearly enough food, I mean those five bowls were TINY,
and Dog rushing around happy as shit to be out of the car (me
too, Dog), and even the pile of work email I need to catch up
on, one of which included the following message which I quite
To: everyone at Workplace
Sent: Monday, April 21, 2003 11:34 AM
Subject: Thanks, all...
that noticed but did not mention to me the fact that I was not
only wearing my shirt inside out, but backwards, as well,
with the little tag thing sticking out of my neck like some fabric
Thanks. But next time, for the love of god, please say something.
So Friday night, and the strip
club - oh my god, people. All I can say is, I had no idea that
I was capable of acting like a drunken conventioneer outside
the realm of actually being drunk at a convention, so, you know,
yay for new personal discoveries.
JB and I went with his brother
Joe to the club early in the evening, where we met up with some
friends of theirs. I was peripherally aware of naked girls around
us, but we weren't sitting right in front of them. After a few
beers, JB convinced me to sit with him at the stage where the
girls were dancing.
Well. I don't know if most
dancers get sick of the guys they have to deal with, and therefore
love to see another female in the place, or what, but I had girls
all OVER me.
It probably wasn't nearly as
hot as it looked. A delicious blond would spin on the
pole with one leg outstretched, uncoil and pour slowly over me
until she was practically in my lap, lift a lock of my hair and
put her mouth directly next to my ear, and every guy there had
their jaw on the floor. But she would be whispering: "Hey,
where'd you get your tattoo? It's really cool!"
It was a blast, though. I really
had fun, and while I'm a Happily Married Woman, I could totally
appreciate the sexiness of the situation.
(Because they had like Maxim
bodies! Seriously! I still don't know if the visual appeal for
me was stemming from a real physical attraction or more of an
aching jealousy. Probably a leetle from column A, a leetle from
But the next day. Oh, the pain.
The sheer, unending agony. I hadn't thought I had drunk enough
to kill an elephant, but apparently I had. I was hating life
literally all day long and STILL felt mildly shitty on Sunday
morning, when I attended church with JB's mom.
Yes, I went to a strip club
and a church in the same weekend. Both are fairly rare activities
for me, so I figure they cancel each other out. Whee!
While the majority of what
I did over the weekend shall probably be forever filed under
"whoah, naked chicks" (and cross-filed under "worst
fucking hangover EVER"), I did walk on the beach with Dog,
spend time with JB's family, and
ate about fifty jillion
million peanut butter filled chocolate easter egg candies.
I'm trapped in a car with nothing better to do than take photos
of myself in the rearview mirror. Will you feel my pain?
It's Portland, where I used to live. Hi, Portland! Hi!
Check out JB doing his Chariots of Fire imitation. Why is
that poor Dog on a leash, you ask?
Because otherwise she races out to the water and plunges around
like a crazed orca, although in this picture she sorta looks
like she's about to take a dump.
So between the strippers and the drinking and the eating and
the lying around sluglike in a car, I pretty much violated every
deadly sin I possibly could this weekend. How about you?
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004