12.07.2002 - 6:32 p.m.
Yay, we got our Christmas tree
today and it's all set up with the lights and the sparkling and
the mmm, pine-y and all that. And we managed to get it
home from the lot without incident, excepting a spat about the
"Clean Cotton" Yankee Candle brand car freshener I
put in JB's rig without consulting him which caused the entire
4Runner to REEK of clean laundry smell, like a box of Tide the
size of a Coke machine was sitting in the backseat, and he was
bitching about that so in retaliation I told him the smell was
probably clinging to his clothes and all his coworkers now had
a secret name for him, and then I sang out "Tidy Bowl! Tidy
Bowl! They call you Ti-deee-booowwwl!" which, you know,
pissed him off.
See, the 'without incident'
thing is important, because two years ago we had a Major Embarrassment
after buying a Christmas tree. We had just picked out this enormous
tree that was too big to fit in the back of the truck, and the
tree lot attendant dude helped us lash it to the top. We spent
a rather large amount of time winding string over the tree, through
the rolled down windows, and back over the top again. Then the
tree guy scampered off, presumably to wet himself laughing.
What happened? JB and I dusted
off our hands, congratulated each other for a job well done,
and simultaneously tried to open our respective doors. D'oh!
You see, when you loop string about a jillion times through the
opened windows of a closed door
yeahhh. Filled with
shame, we clumsily wriggled through the windows Dukes-of-Hazzard
style, hoping the tree guy wasn't taking photos to post to his
famous website www.lookwhatImaderetardedcustomersdo.com.
In other holiday related news,
I braved the throngs at Fred Meyers to buy gift wrap. That's
what I went there for: gift wrap. Of course, I walked out with
4 bags and a 14 inch long receipt - that's what holiday madness
is all about. I literally snarled at a woman who was reaching
for the last bag of glittery bows.
Peace on earth? Dream on, sister.
Also, I came up with a design
for our holiday cards. We're printing them ourselves this year,
and all I can say is it involves our Dog. Plus a reindeer antler
head-thing. If you'd like to receive this manifesto, shoot me
a line and let
But the deal is, you have to
send ME a card too. I'm not getting carpal tunnel so you can
sit back, glurp up some nog, and collect the goods. Quid pro
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004