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12.15.2002 - 1:36 p.m.


This is JB and I sitting on a hotel bed in La Conner, where we met up with my family for a holiday get together/gift exchange. That's what we did this weekend. What about you?

My coworker Molly agreed to dogsit last night (hee, I just accidentally typed "dogshit"), and stayed at our house with her fiancee. JB and I spent some time theorizing how their visit went.

JB: I bet the dog tracked in mud right away and they freaked out.
Me: Yeah! I know I would freak out if I was staying at someone's house and suddenly there's like, mud, everywhere.
JB: Little do they know that's how we live.
Me: Like pigs. Pigs in a sty. Pigs armed with Resolve Carpet Cleaner.
JB: What time do you think the cat woke them up?
Me: I say 5:30 AM.
JB: No, 5 on the dot. With the unholy yowling and the freaky paw-under-the-door.
Me: Heeeee. 4:30.
JB: What if there was a Barf Incident?
Me: (horrified) Oh, I hope there wasn't. Especially the dog. Ew.
JB: They probably would have just left in disgust and gone back home.
Me: Leaving the barf?
JB: Well, if it was the dog, she would have just, you know, eaten the barf.
Me: Ah, problem solved.

I rushed around like a woman possessed on Friday night trying to clean up and hide anything potentially embarrassing. I had a sad moment when I realized there is really nothing embarrassing in my entire house. The one incriminating object I had - a blue plastic vibrator ifyoumustknow - was tossed out a while ago for, uh, ceasing mechanical operations.

Seems like you aren't living life to the fullest if there isn't something in your house you need to lock in a steel vault when company comes to stay. You know? I need to spice things up. BAM!

Speaking of general naughtiness, JB and I watched The Man Show last night and one of the clips was "Porn Camp" where Ron Jeremy taught classes. Have you ever SEEN Ron Jeremy? He is literally the ugliest man on earth. From my limited experience with pornos, I do know the men have less stringent requirements in the looks department, but really - he is a warthog. Why is he in all those movies? Does he have an enormous shlong?

Ok, I tarted it up a bit at the end here. I don't feel like such a prude now. I said "shlong" and everything.

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I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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