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11.07.2003 - 3:39 p.m.

Friday

Poor Bethany Hamilton. Here she is recovering from a terrible injury, and half the world's media is up her ass demanding to know if she plans to continue to pursue a pro surfing career. Hello? Her arm was bitten off by a fucking shark. Maybe she needs a little TIME.

I am seriously terrified of getting chomped by a shark, which is pretty goofy considering the fact that the vast majority of my life is spent above water in non-shark-accessible buildings.

(Heh. Remember the land shark SNL skit? "Uh, I'm only a dolphin, ma'am.")

I almost experienced a dramatic shark encounter on my honeymoon. JB and I were on a boat at Stingray Island (actually a sand bar type thing) off Grand Cayman, on a touristy swim-with-the-stingrays excursion. As the boat idled and the crew was talking about the stingrays and people were putting on lifejackets, JB made an announcement.

"I think those are sharks out there," he said gravely, and pointed several hundred yards away at a reef.

Everyone except for the crew stopped what they were doing and stared. Sure enough, in amongst the waves crashing against the reef, ominous triangular shapes appeared to be moving around.

"Those are sharks," one girl breathed.

"Ohmigod?" I squeaked, tugging on JB's arm. "Seriously?"

"No," said a crew member, "not sharks."

"I'm not getting in the water," a middle aged guy said nervously.

"Not SHARKS."

JB hooded his eyes. "Yeah...looks like a bunch of them."

A heavyset woman took off her life jacket, folded it, and sat on it. "No way am I swimming with sharks."

"NOT SHARKS. ROCKS."

Once you peered hard enough, you could see that the dark shapes were actually rocky outcroppings of the reef, and the waves gave them the illusion of movement. Eventually, binoculars were handed around to placate the skittish passengers.

JB shrugged, grinning at the irritated boat crew. "Sure looked like sharks."

(So by "almost experienced a dramatic shark encounter" I really mean "got scared shitless by some rocks". Tomayto, tomahto.)

:::

Heh. This is funny.

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3 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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