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03.22.2002 - 4:11 p.m.

Friday
Good news arrived in my mailbox today, in the form of a notice telling me I am indeed eligible for the recently implemented 'extended benefits' unemployment insurance. Which means I have 12 more weeks of caaaaash money, after which time if I STILL cannot find a job I will be forced into a new and rewarding career of volunteering for medical experiments ("Um, my right arm feels tingly and also I grew fur on my butt").

The notice also gave me a dire warning that the extended benefits period could end at any time, if the craptacular Seattle job market improves. Hokay dokay, fine by me. The market could improve any old time now, thanks. I mean, not that applying for approximately 49291 jobs in the last 6 months and having exactly 3 interviews hasn't been fun. It's been like one big old MTV Spring Break! I've been squealing and flashing my boobs all day long! Sure, my neighbors think I'm a freak, but that's because they don't know how to parTAY!

Actually it has sucked. Lo, the suckage hath been great. Being out of work for so long has been the suckiest suck that ever sucked, can I get an amen? It has made me humble and newly appreciative of all the people in the world that get up in the morning and go DO stuff for 8 hours. Every job on earth sounds appealing, in its own way. Wow, I think, watching the produce guy at the grocery store, he works with FRUIT. Coooool.

I started out this whole job search feeling all high and mighty. Marketing Coordinator, I'd huff to myself, I think NOT. You better get the word 'manager' in there pronto and the salary better kick.major.ass. Also there better be free soda.

Oh, hello? I didn't see you standing there, REALITY. Thanks for taking a big old greasy dump on my parade and reminding me that the beautiful, wonderful, golden days of tech companies spending money like a drunken Charlie Sheen at a porn convention are GONE FOREVER. Sob.

Jeez, these days I would lick someone's boots to get a lousy coordinator job. Want me to file crap? No problemo! Need someone to make the coffee? Hey, I'm on it. Boots need licked? Piece of cake, meet you in the break room.

Like the stupid benefits form tells me, "Because of the length of your unemployment, your prospects of finding work in your usual occupation are not good." Thanks, Tony Robbins! That pep talk was just what the doctor ordered!

So. 12 more weeks. I should be able to pull something together by then, right?

Um…right?

:::

One more thing! Keeping with the unemployment theme, I want to pimp my pal Peachy's super-hilarious entry today, which is about the sheer boring hell that is the dreaded Jobhunter Orientation Meeting.


go back ::: forward

03.21.2002 - You struggle to arrange the fabric over yourself so as to retain a semblance of dignity, but it is useless.
03.20.2002 -
When the hell would I need to back up like this anyway? Like if a fucking rhino was charging my car?
03.19.2002 - The only way I could have injured a potential attacker is if they got hernias from laughing at me.

0 comments so far.

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Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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