03.22.2002 - 4:11 p.m.
Good news arrived in my mailbox today, in the form of a notice
telling me I am indeed eligible for the recently implemented
'extended benefits' unemployment insurance. Which means I have
12 more weeks of caaaaash money, after which time if I STILL
cannot find a job I will be forced into a new and rewarding career
of volunteering for medical experiments ("Um, my right
arm feels tingly and also I grew fur on my butt").
The notice also gave me
a dire warning that the extended benefits period could end at
any time, if the craptacular Seattle job market improves. Hokay
dokay, fine by me. The market could improve any old time now,
thanks. I mean, not that applying for approximately 49291 jobs
in the last 6 months and having exactly 3 interviews hasn't been
fun. It's been like one big old MTV Spring Break! I've been squealing
and flashing my boobs all day long! Sure, my neighbors think
I'm a freak, but that's because they don't know how to parTAY!
Actually it has sucked.
Lo, the suckage hath been great. Being out of work for so long
has been the suckiest suck that ever sucked, can I get an amen?
It has made me humble and newly appreciative of all the people
in the world that get up in the morning and go DO stuff for 8
hours. Every job on earth sounds appealing, in its own way. Wow,
I think, watching the produce guy at the grocery store, he works
with FRUIT. Coooool.
I started out this whole
job search feeling all high and mighty. Marketing Coordinator,
I'd huff to myself, I think NOT. You better get the word 'manager'
in there pronto and the salary better kick.major.ass. Also there
better be free soda.
Oh, hello? I didn't see
you standing there, REALITY. Thanks for taking a big old greasy
dump on my parade and reminding me that the beautiful, wonderful,
golden days of tech companies spending money like a drunken Charlie
Sheen at a porn convention are GONE FOREVER. Sob.
Jeez, these days I would
lick someone's boots to get a lousy coordinator job. Want me
to file crap? No problemo! Need someone to make the coffee? Hey,
I'm on it. Boots need licked? Piece of cake, meet you in the
Like the stupid benefits
form tells me, "Because of the length of your unemployment,
your prospects of finding work in your usual occupation are not
good." Thanks, Tony Robbins! That pep talk was just what
the doctor ordered!
So. 12 more weeks. I should
be able to pull something together by then, right?
One more thing! Keeping
with the unemployment theme, I want to pimp my pal Peachy's super-hilarious entry today, which is about the sheer boring
hell that is the dreaded Jobhunter Orientation Meeting.
03.21.2002 - You
struggle to arrange the fabric over yourself so as to retain
a semblance of dignity, but it is useless.
03.20.2002 - When the hell would I need to back up
like this anyway? Like if a fucking rhino was charging
03.19.2002 - The
only way I could have injured a potential attacker is if they
got hernias from laughing at me.
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004