09.07.2004 - 10:31 p.m.
If I were filthy rich, I'd
hire someone to come out and cheer up the house right before
we're due to get back from a long weekend. I'd walk in the door
to a sparkling, spotless home, because all the rooms would have
been scoured top to bottom and Febreeze'd (it goes without saying
that someone would have performed a vigorous insect patrol).
Scented candles would be burning, and something incredibly savory
and fattening would be in the oven. Dog would be dutifully waiting
in the living room, having been picked up from the kennel. Someone
would have gone through all the newspapers that had piled up
in our absence and pulled out the Northwest Living section, just
so I could recover from the car ride with 4 days' worth of comics
Sadly, I do not yet have a
house fluffer. We arrived home this afternoon to a disturbing
amount of new spiderwebs (what are the spiders getting up to
while we're gone? Cruising around and pumping out web by the
fucking pantsload, apparently), a small yet deafeningly loud
cat, a mysterious odor emanating from the refrigerator, and -
perhaps most disappointing of all - the same enormous pile of
unfolded laundry we left on the dining room table last Friday.
Regardless, it's good to be
back. I had a great weekend, but there's just something so soothing
and familiar about coming back to your own toilet paper. You
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004