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04.20.2004 - 4:21 p.m.

Tuesday

Not to go all Andy Rooney on you, but people, for the love of GOD, can we not collectively come up with some better term for adult women's underwear than PANTIES?

Panties. Pyaaaaaanties. Rhymes with nasty. Panty.

I just don't like anything about the word. I don't like the shape your mouth has to make to say "panties".

It's immature, like some substitute for a real word that you would use with a little kid (now pull up your panties after making a dooky!), and at the same time it's all lecherous and sleazy. I mean, look, maybe they used to be called pantaloons and it got shortened or something, but the madness has to stop SOMETIME.

The word "panty" has a line of drool hanging from its lower lip.

What color panties you got on? Hyuk hyuk.

Thing is, there's just not very many options. You've got underwear, or underpants, nice utilitarian unisex terms, but they lack a certain....je ne sais quoi, am I right? If I have some black lace hiphugger lingerie, it needs a fancier monikor than underwear.

There's style-specific names, like thong, g-string, brief (ugh), bikini, etc, but where, OH WHERE I SAY, is the generic term that we can all refer to? Delicates, unmentionables, cooter covers, beaver holsters, and PANTIES are just no damn good!

We must stop this bandying about of the P word before it goes too far.

:::

Saw this in someone's LiveJournal today:

porn: one positive test , entire industry goes into panic mode, shuts down for 60 days, everyone gets tested.

beef: one positive test, entire industry goes into PR mode, makes minor changes, insists it's being unfairly treated, gets government to do a tiny sliver of low-level testing, tries to immediately resume business as usual.


Heh! Except, eek.

:::

Can you all please weigh in on something? My friend Adam, when informed that Poltergeist scared the shit out of me when I was young, essentially told me I was a pussy. "Oooh, a kid in a TV and a fucking midget," is what I think he said.

Was I a giant chicken, or were there really some genuinely freaky moments in that movie? Hello, anyone remember the part with the boy counting the thunder and lightning strikes and the clown in the corner of his room, gah, the CLOWN, and the tree, GAH, the TREE, and the dad hallucinating that he was pulling off chunks of his OWN DAMN FACE, blargh, and AAAAHHHH THE SWIMMING POOL FULL OF SKELETONS??????

Ahem. Anyway, as you can tell, I'm quite neutral and objective about the subject, so if you wouldn't mind, please visit the comments section and tell me what you thought about Poltergeist, especially if you saw it back when it first came out.

(THE...THE CLOWN.)

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63 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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