03.13.2004 - 1:45 p.m.
Have you ever been sitting
around, minding your own business
when all of a sudden,
a cold shiver runs up your spine, and you realize the HORRIFIC
truth - you are not certain of your own gender?
Oh, that can be a terrible
situation indeed, my friend. While common sense might tell you
that you could address this problem by reaching down with both
hands and firmly manipulating your genital region in order to
clear things up, that is in fact NOT ENTIRELY ACCURATE! In this
day and age of advanced surgical procedures, the genital test
can produce INCONCLUSIVE RESULTS!!!
The only way to TRULY determine
whether you are a male, or whether you are a female, is with
the patent-pending I.Y.A.C.O.I.Y.A.D. (Is You A Chick Or Is You
A Dude?) test, developed by me, SUNDRY!!!!
To prepare for the test, relax.
Take a few deep breaths. You must let your mind be free
to imagine a scenario
.free to picture
(DA DUN DUNNN!!!!)
That's right, it's an EMPTY
TOILET PAPER TUBE. There is NO more available toilet paper on
the roll. It is GONE. Imagine you have
USED THE LAST OF
No, let us not sully the test
with hypothesizing WHAT sort of ACTIVITY prompted the demise
of the toilet paper, let us simply focus on the fact that the
toilet paper is NO MORE.
Here is the most import part
of the test!!! So pay attention!!!!!!!!!
Ask yourself, what do you DO
What do you DO about the fact
that the toilet paper is GONE and there is SOMEONE ELSE in your
house that USES the SAME bathroom AS YOU?????
If you have chosen to extract
a NEW roll of toilet paper
.and REPLACE the empty
roll (bonus point if
you put the EMPTY roll in the GARBAGE)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! YOU ARE
As a female, you enjoy the
use of fine-tuned motor functions that allow you to perform such
challenging physical activities such as 1) grasping, 2) pushing,
and 3) circulating oxygen to your brain!!!
You have the sort of cerebral
matter that has evolved over thousands of years to become a highly
sophisticated machine, capable of recognizing complex logical
problems, and taking steps to solve them!!!
Finally, your vast cognitive
endowment combined with your valuable reserves of emotional identification
permit you to consider the needs of others around you, and experience
no hindrances between your centers for logic and your neurophysiological
KUDOS TO YOU!!!!!!!
If, however, your choice
in the I.Y.A.C.O.I.Y.A.D. test is to LEAVE the empty tube and
as an AFTERTHOUGHT, shove a KLEENEX BOX near the TOILET
you're a guy.
good luck with that.
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004