11.16.2004 - 5:11 p.m.
Tuesday
WEEKEND ACTIVITIES
1) Finished scarf:
...now have crippling carpal tunnel syndrome and am hunchbacked and blind, thanks to soothing zenlike knitting hobby.
2) Allowed Dog to lick remnants of clam chowder from ceramic mug, documented supremely awesome snout-crunkle maneuver.
ALSO
Spent way too much money at the craft store on holiday card stuff, because of my STUPID STUPID urge to go the DIY route this year, consumed several Starbucks crack-laden lattes, discovered that bulk votive candles from Bartell's drugstore were not in fact not a brilliant cost-saving measure since our living room walls now sport skidmark-esque soot stains so replaced incendiary hot death wax nuggets with decadent mall brand, baked an apple crumble.
OH MY GOD I AM BORING
Let's focus instead on JB, whose leisure activities are far more interesting than mine, unless you count playing Halo 2, which I totally do not.
JB has been doing a lot of diving in Lake Washington recently; there's a number of wrecked ferries, boats, and planes down in its murky depths that he's been exploring, which I think is fucking INSANE because grah, underwater zombies. Anyway, he and a buddy found what they thought was a particular plane that had gone down in 1942 and has been missing since.
Mind you, it's on the bottom of a damn lake. There's not a lot of things I'd go to the bottom of a lake for. Maybe a really, really good tiramisu.
During a a 200-ft dive that gives me the heebs just thinking about it (zombies! giant squid! Free Willie!), they ascertained that it was in fact the Navy warplane they thought it was. Local news organizations got wind of the discovery, and lo and behold, JB was on the evening news yesterday.
GLENN FARLEY, KING 5 REPORTER:
"Hi, I'm here talking with JB, who reportedly not only did a big scary-ass dive where he fought off underwater zombies, he also raked all the leaves over the weekend AND loaded the dishwasher this morning! Let's hear it for JB!"
JB:
"Thanks Glenn Farley, King 5 reporter. I do rule pretty hard. This is the plane we found, by the way."
PLANE:
"'Sup."
JB:
"Also, here I am underwater. AHH ZOMBIES AHH! Heh. Just kidding."
UNDERWATER SCENE:
"Bloop. Bloop."
JB:
"Thus concludes my interview, during which I did not once stutter, turn bright red, or blurt out four letter words Tourette's-style, unlike what my wife would have likely done had she been subjected to having an actual television camera pointed at her. Back to you Glenn Farley King 5 reporter."
GLENN:
"Urrrrrrrrrnhhhhhhhhhhhh. BRAINSSsssssssss..."
Let us all take a moment to bask in the magic that is TiVo. Mmmm, TiVo - teacher, mother, secret lover. Anyway, props to JB for being so cool and adventurous and brave and stuff. Mwah!
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