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11.01.2004 - 1:12 p.m.


There are some things in life that simply don't meet up with your expectations, and then again there are some things that do, you know?

Did not live up to my expectation: the Seattle Center's haunted house, for which we stood in line for 50 minutes on a frigid Saturday evening. Note to self: perhaps you are slightly out of the target age demographic.

Sadly, continues to live up to my expectations, as long as my expectations include "gain twelve pounds": each evil, points-laden, sugar-headache-causing, individually wrapped piece of delicious chocolate death that's in a bowl in my kitchen, ostensibly purchased "for the trick or treaters".

And speaking of expectations, great and otherwise, I saw Team American: World Police on Friday night, and I'd say it was actually much funnier than I'd hoped it would be. Go for the soundtrack ("America....fuck yeah!") but stay for the supremely awesome puppet sex scene. Plus, the part with the cats. Haaaa. Also Matt Damon....ha ha ha hah haaaa, "Matt Damon!". Heh. Ahem. Anyway! Just go see it, dammit, so we can laugh about the funny parts without me worrying I'm going to give away some freaking spoiler, all right?

Saturday JB and I went downtown and back to REI, despite having been to the Redmond REI just last weekend, because I wanted to buy another fleecy top or two. I've decided my fashion theme for this winter is going to be "outdoorsy", because "outdoorsy" = "warm & comfortable & slightly baggy", which I realize is less attractive than "fitted & tweedy with knee high leather boots" but fuck it, my office has no dress code, and I never go anywhere that jeans aren't perfectly acceptable, so "outdoorsy" it is. Hurray for Seattle, where you can always pretend like you're about to jog up Mt. Rainier or something, even if your agenda mostly includes power-snacking on mini Kit Kat bars.

After "shooting our wad" at REI (JB's term; he was grouchy about how much my "outdoorsy" North Face shirts cost) we poked around downtown, hanging out for a while at the Westlake Mall watching some Bush supporters angrily facing off with Kerry supporters - battle of the badly lettered signs! - before wandering down to Pike Place, where we walked by a largish pile of horse poop, into which some enterprising soul had smashed several pennies.

Now, it's not every day you see a mound of shit with coins stuck in it, right? An elderly man walking behind us was deeply moved by the sight, and felt compelled to call out to a passing car: "God damn! I said god damn, it's got pennies in it! Lookathat shit, god damn!" Ahead of us, a goofily smiling family, straight out of suburbia, laughed with sheer delight, and the father called out, I am not lying about this, "We don't see that back at home!" - and the old man shot back "Damn right! God damn!". I craned my head around, keeping an eye out for David Lynch, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Since we were at the Market, I dragged JB down into Golden Age Collectibles, which is a fine comic book store that also sells the amazing Jesus Action Figure ("What's his action?" "Well, he's Jesus"). Each time I buy comics there, the same clerk comments on my purchase and asks me if I've read Such-and-such by So-and-so. It's a deliciously geeky experience and I highly recommend shopping there if you're in the area. If comics aren't your gig, I happen to know they sell this poster, and come on, who wouldn't like that hanging, oh, I don't know, maybe...above your bed? Rrrowr!

We had some time to kill before the haunted house opened at 7, and I'd had all the 1% lattes I could comfortably pour into my gullet, so we went to Pesos in Queen Anne, where JB ordered - keep in mind this is an actual menu item - a "13-inch fat, wet burrito". I could not contain myself, such was my glee over his meal. When he finally sat back, full, with a good portion of the burrito left, I cleared my throat. My moment had come.

Me (loudly): "So....I guess you can only take eight fat, wet inches?"

By the way: snorking a tortilla chip out your nose? Painful.

Despite his god-given right to leave me at the restaurant and start the divorce proceedings immediately, JB accompanied me over to the Seattle Center, where we paid our eleventy jillion dollars to ride up the Space Needle and peer out at the darkening cityscape. It was a beautiful time of night to be up there, shivering in the wind and wishing mightily that I had brought my camera. It was as if a net of sparkling lights had been strewn out below us, stretching in every direction except for the black waters of the Sound, which was dotted with ferries sliding along like floating chandeliers. Pretty.

Then it was finally time to go to the haunted house - where, as I mentioned, we stood in line for a long, LONG time, only to finally be hustled through a small particle board maze in about 75 seconds. The scariest part was trying to navigate through without mashing toddlers underneath our feet. By the way, why do very small children always get dressed like bees for Halloween? Come on, parents, get creative! Babies are just the right size for lots of other great insect costumes, like for instance the larval stage of many moths or butterflies! ("Awww, just look at the little Catocala sponsa pupae".)

On Sunday, as the evening rolled around we assembled our collection of jack o'lanterns, real (6) and fake (2), put out the candy bowl, queued up the DVD of Halloween (so...meta) that I had Netflix'd, and waited for the throngs of children to come knocking on the door. And as usual, all of four kids came by, so the entire pile of 100 Grand bars and Whoppers were ours. What a great holiday!



Spooky house! Sort of.

Fear the badly carved pumpkins!

FEAR THEM I SAY! I give you the Giant Gaping Maw of Death. DEATH!

This one's fake, but still TERRIFYING.

Isn't that the cutest stuffed animal ever? He came from Starbucks. Aw, megaconglomerate corporation bear!

And finally, Sunday night with the pets. It only looks like JB is choking Cat. He's not, though. Would I post such a thing?

8 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland