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05.21.2004 - 9:11 a.m.
Friday
STOP THE SNEEZING. THE SNEEZING
MUST STOP.
To the best of my knowledge,
I have never had allergies.
Before.
Now.
You know, a sneeze can feel
good. Ah, you think, heaving forth a mighty blast into
your hankie. Finally! I have certainly been waiting for that!
O, sweet orgasmic relief!
However, I bet even orgasms
would start to suck if you had 293831058 of them in the space
of ten minutes.
(Well…okay, I'm not really
rock-solid on that theory. Heh.)
What I am saying is that I
cannot STOP sneezing. Something evil, evil, evil has bloomed
here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, and that satan-spawn
flora has lodged itself firmly in my nasal cavities.
I blame the seemingly innocent
little white fluffy things that are careening about everywhere
outside. What devil-tree have you torn yourself loose from, white
fluffy things, and why must you torment me so?
I decided, based on my constant
katchoo-ing, to stay home from work today. I figured I'd loll
about, wallow in my own crapulence, toot on the old nose-horn
a while and maybe watch Pirates of the Caribbean.
Yes, AGAIN. What? If you're
going to feel like shit, you may as well fantasize about shagging
a gay pirate while you're at it.
Captain Jack Sparrow: "Wench,
ye'd best be dropping them bloomers and stepping rightly over
to this bed, savvy?"
Me: "KATCHOOO!"
Captain Jack Sparrow: "Um. Yarr."
Imagine my surprise, as I shuffled
to the kitchen in search of caffeine, to find a strange man glancing
in at me from our backyard window.
Gah, the fucking painters
are here today.
There is no place in our entire
house that does not have windows. Some, thankfully, have blinds,
but the entire living room is floor to ceiling windows. Drooling
over Johnny Depp in privacy is NOT an option today, nor is hanging
out anywhere other than the office or the bedroom - unless, that
is, I want to turn nose-blowing into performance art and attempt
to entertain the 4 men in paint-spattered jumpsuits currently
crawling all over my house.
I'm trapped in my house! Sneezing!
And websurfing! Quick, somebody send me a fun link or two before
I die of boredom.
Death, death, DEATH to the white fluffy things.
last ::: next
27
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004
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