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05.06.2004 - 8:38 a.m.


(Warning: there's a jillion photos in this entry. Apologies if you're on dialup.)

I notified my office I would be out on Wednesday, May 5, so that JB and I could spend the day together. It's our 3-year wedding anniversary, you see. And my coworker sent me an iChat:

<You got married on Cinco de Mayo?>

Well, duh. Thousands of happy Mexicans - and many US frat boys - get super loaded every year on our anniversary. ROCK.

JB told me to take the day off, that he had something planned. Nothing extravagant, just a fun day. We had already sort of tagged our Thailand trip as a substitute for the annual cruise I wanted to happen in May.

(What? I fucking love cruises, okay? Maybe I've got the soul of a shuffleboard-playing, napkin-folding-class-taking ancient fart. DO NOT JUDGE ME.)

Where are we going, I asked him. About five hundred jillion times. Where? Where? Do I have to wear sensible shoes? Are we traveling to space? Can we bring Dog? Will it be vanilla-scented? WHERE WHERE WHERE?

Finally he started giving me clues. Are we going east, or west? West, he said. Will it be outdoors? Yes, he said. Is it urban, or not? Surprisingly so, he said.

As hopeful as a child on Christmas eve, I leaned forward. Will there be…animals, I asked. DAMMIT, he cried. You are some sort of VOODOO PRIESTESS.

Hooray! The zoo, the zoo, the zoo! I LOVE the zoo! Especially our Woodland Park zoo, with all of its wonderful exhibits and its please-god-I-hope-so content animals.

We saw poison dart frogs, which I fiercely love with every molecule in my body. Komodo dragons, because ever since I read in Playboy that Billy Bob Thorton is terrified of them ("And not 'cause my uncle fucked me in the ass when I was a kid or nothin'. Them things is just scary."), they never fail to crack me up. The nocturnal exhibit, with its glitter-eyed dangling Draculas. The otters, oh, the otters!


We tooled through the zoo for most of the day, then on my request went to the dog park, because hello? What is even better than the zoo? The dog park, my friends.

At one point in the day, JB asked what we should name our boat. Note that we do not actually have a boat, but JB likes to plan ahead.

JB: "So? Any ideas? I was thinking something, you know, bad ass. Like the Enforcer, but less gay."

Me: "How about the Dirty Sanchez?"

JB: "Um. No."

Me: "You could paint a little moustache on the front of the boat and everything!"

JB: "NO."

Me: "Fine. Hmmm….Rear Entry?

JB: "Just stop. Nevermind."

Me: "The Hershey Highway!"

JB: "What is WRONG with you?"

Me: "No, I have it. Let's call it Wooooord."

JB: "I have the terrible feeling you are being serious."

Me: "Like with a bunch of O's. 'Hey, you want to go out on the Woooord today?'"

JB: "Please, please just shut up."

These have been three LONG years for JB, I think.

We rounded out the day by having a wonderful dinner across the lake on Leschi. I had a thought - that there is something spectacularly unsexy about vigilant food denial. Admittedly, I definitely could be in better shape because I can pinch, let's just say, more than an inch, but when I go to a fabulous restaurant for a special occasion? Please. I do not order a fucking salad. I have the oysters. I savor the juniper bite of an enormous gin and tonic. I relish the mustard-seared ahi. And you better believe I take great pleasure in cracking into the burnt sugar crust on the crème brulee. Life is too short for sparkling water and iceberg lettuce, dammit!

Afterwards, we walked on the beach for a bit, then drove home while I snapped blurry photos of random things.

It was a perfect day. Perfect.

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31 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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