04.18.2004 - 3:31 p.m.
You know, while it might be
tempting to occasionally use this journal as my own private means
of poking fun at JB, I'd like you to take a look at the following
And tell me the man
hasn't gone completely fucking insane.
I'm not making fun of him,
I am just telling you the truth: he's lost his mind. Someone
trepanned him and wedged a rolled-up Home Depot flyer in the
hole. Or he's spontaneously channeling Bob Villa. Something's
going on, because right now there is an ENORMOUS fucking crater
in the side of my house.
Houses should NEVER be open
to the outside world, unless we're talking a temporary state
caused by a door or window. I mean, flies can come in! Wolves!
Space aliens! George Bush!
It all started with JB's sudden
and inexplicable decision yesterday that one of our windows needed
to go. As far as I could tell, it was just, you know,
doing its thing, being a piece of glass in a wall, but apparently
it was A Damn Eyesore and Once Replaced Would Improve the Value
of the House.
After many hours of toil, the
new window was in place.
"Doesn't it look GREAT?"
"I guess." *shrug*
"Hey. I worked really
hard on that."
"I mean, YES, TOTALLY.
I barely even recognize our house. It's like it has a
I thought that was that. Yay,
new window. Whoopee. Now I can see out the utility room, since
we chucked the frosted glass one. Except, now what happens when
I go in there naked to get clothes from the dryer? SHIT.
Then, this morning I mentioned
that it might look neat to paint the window trim. JB thought
that was brilliant, a stroke of genius, and raced off
to get paint junk from the home store.
And he returned with brushes,
a tray, and
two more windows.
"Um," I said casually,
looking at the receipt. "Did we win the lottery? Because
if we did, you could pay someone to do this."
JB explained that It's An Investment
Dammit, and immediately launched a fresh frontal attack on the
I painted serenely for a while,
listening to REM, singing along with "I Could Turn You Inside
Out", because hey, that's a cool song, then I took a peek
Apparently there was all this
rot in the wood from some years-ago leak, and JB industriously
beavered his way through in order to replace everything.
I have faith it will all be
reassembled in some manner, and JB will have been right all along
and the new windows will look awesome - but DAMN. My poor little
house, with a giant wrecking-ball-sized HOLE in it.
This is why we have wars. Boys
just can't leave well enough alone.
Dog doesn't care about windows. Good girl.
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004