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04.18.2004 - 3:31 p.m.


You know, while it might be tempting to occasionally use this journal as my own private means of poking fun at JB, I'd like you to take a look at the following photo:

And tell me the man hasn't gone completely fucking insane.

I'm not making fun of him, I am just telling you the truth: he's lost his mind. Someone trepanned him and wedged a rolled-up Home Depot flyer in the hole. Or he's spontaneously channeling Bob Villa. Something's going on, because right now there is an ENORMOUS fucking crater in the side of my house.

Houses should NEVER be open to the outside world, unless we're talking a temporary state caused by a door or window. I mean, flies can come in! Wolves! Space aliens! George Bush!

It all started with JB's sudden and inexplicable decision yesterday that one of our windows needed to go. As far as I could tell, it was just, you know, doing its thing, being a piece of glass in a wall, but apparently it was A Damn Eyesore and Once Replaced Would Improve the Value of the House.

After many hours of toil, the new window was in place.

"Doesn't it look GREAT?"

"I guess." *shrug*

"Hey. I worked really hard on that."

"I mean, YES, TOTALLY. I barely even recognize our house. It's like it has a…new hairdo!"


I thought that was that. Yay, new window. Whoopee. Now I can see out the utility room, since we chucked the frosted glass one. Except, now what happens when I go in there naked to get clothes from the dryer? SHIT.

Then, this morning I mentioned that it might look neat to paint the window trim. JB thought that was brilliant, a stroke of genius, and raced off to get paint junk from the home store.

And he returned with brushes, a tray, and…two more windows.

"Um," I said casually, looking at the receipt. "Did we win the lottery? Because if we did, you could pay someone to do this."

JB explained that It's An Investment Dammit, and immediately launched a fresh frontal attack on the house.

I painted serenely for a while, listening to REM, singing along with "I Could Turn You Inside Out", because hey, that's a cool song, then I took a peek outside.


Apparently there was all this rot in the wood from some years-ago leak, and JB industriously beavered his way through in order to replace everything.

I have faith it will all be reassembled in some manner, and JB will have been right all along and the new windows will look awesome - but DAMN. My poor little house, with a giant wrecking-ball-sized HOLE in it.

This is why we have wars. Boys just can't leave well enough alone.


Dog doesn't care about windows. Good girl.

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11 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland