04.17.2004 - 2:07 p.m.
Boy, I thought grocery shopping
for low carb stuff was hard - that's nothing compared
to shopping for a newly-pierced tongue. Bread? No, requires chewing.
As does meat. And vegetables. And fruit. After wandering the
aisles despondently for a while this afternoon, I finally bought
yogurt, cottage cheese, pudding, and coconut popsicles, feeling
like a toothless crone.
Tapioca pudding, even. I just like to eat
that because it grosses JB out.
The aftercare instructions
for the piercing sternly advise against french kissing (among
other things, nudge nudge wink wink) until the tongue is healed.
I don't think there's any worries in that department; in fact,
I doubt anyone would want to get near my tongue with a ten foot
pole anytime soon. It's swollen, but also strangely bruised and
weird looking. FrankenTongue.
The piercing itself went just
fine. If you're in the area and feel like adding a new hole to
your body, I heartily recommend Phish. He was brisk, professional, funny,
and I felt in very good hands.
My friend Molly went with me
to the shop, and sat in the little room where I was pierced.
She'd been on the fence about whether or not she was going to
have one too, and apparently seeing that I wasn't screaming or
clawing at my mouth afterwards convinced her - so we switched,
and I was on the observation end while Phish did his thing.
Pretty cool, overall. We left
the shop feeling like badasses.
Well, badasses who left swinging
their little girly purses and drove off in a Saab. GRRR!
I was able to talk fine yesterday
but today I'm a little on the lispy side, and JB has been merciless.
"What?" he says. "I'm sorry, I couldn't underTHTAND
you. Could you WEPEAT that?" Jerk.
Here are Molly and I, showing
off our new toys. I've made this black and white because my tongue,
while a trooper in the pain department, oozed blood all damn
night long and I look like I've just bitten the head off a chicken
in this picture.
And we are definitely NOT in
a bar in that photo, because would be a clear violation of the
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004