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04.17.2004 - 2:07 p.m.


Boy, I thought grocery shopping for low carb stuff was hard - that's nothing compared to shopping for a newly-pierced tongue. Bread? No, requires chewing. As does meat. And vegetables. And fruit. After wandering the aisles despondently for a while this afternoon, I finally bought yogurt, cottage cheese, pudding, and coconut popsicles, feeling like a toothless crone.

Tapioca pudding, even. I just like to eat that because it grosses JB out.

The aftercare instructions for the piercing sternly advise against french kissing (among other things, nudge nudge wink wink) until the tongue is healed. I don't think there's any worries in that department; in fact, I doubt anyone would want to get near my tongue with a ten foot pole anytime soon. It's swollen, but also strangely bruised and weird looking. FrankenTongue.

The piercing itself went just fine. If you're in the area and feel like adding a new hole to your body, I heartily recommend Phish. He was brisk, professional, funny, and I felt in very good hands.

My friend Molly went with me to the shop, and sat in the little room where I was pierced. She'd been on the fence about whether or not she was going to have one too, and apparently seeing that I wasn't screaming or clawing at my mouth afterwards convinced her - so we switched, and I was on the observation end while Phish did his thing.

Pretty cool, overall. We left the shop feeling like badasses.

Well, badasses who left swinging their little girly purses and drove off in a Saab. GRRR!

I was able to talk fine yesterday but today I'm a little on the lispy side, and JB has been merciless. "What?" he says. "I'm sorry, I couldn't underTHTAND you. Could you WEPEAT that?" Jerk.

Here are Molly and I, showing off our new toys. I've made this black and white because my tongue, while a trooper in the pain department, oozed blood all damn night long and I look like I've just bitten the head off a chicken in this picture.

And we are definitely NOT in a bar in that photo, because would be a clear violation of the aftercare instructions.


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13 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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