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04.12.2004 - 8:30 p.m.


Paging through my Us magazine tonight (shut UP), I showed JB a tampon ad that I found extremely disturbing. It depicted two line drawings of tampons - one burly, with a jagged cardboard mouth ("Big scary tampon," read the copy underneath), and one with….NO LIE…girly eyelashes, slim and friendly, waving a little cartoon hand ("Nice friendly tampon"), with a curly little pigtail string dangling from its base.

"Jeez," I said, staring at it. "Who MADE this ad? Who APPROVED it? Why do I want to think about inserting Happy McCheerleader up my coochie? The hell?"

"You want to see something really fucked up?" asked JB. Of course, I always want to see something really fucked up, so he brought over his own magazine du jour, Playboy.

(By the way, I love Playboy. I don't care about the pictures, but they really do have great articles, and I read each issue cover to cover once JB is done paging through the centerfold. However....)

This…what I am about to show you is profoundly, extremely, freakishly weird advertising. I am just trying to imagine the pitch…the exec unveiling the concept art….the client nodding, maybe pumping their arm in the air, yelling "Yes! Yes! THIS WILL SELL OUR DEODORANT!"

I will give you one last chance. To turn, to leave, to read something else, to pretend you never came by this page tonight and saw…what I am about to show you.



Okay. You asked for it.

First of all: this is the product. This is what the ads are supposed to make you want to buy.

Yes. Hm. Dry

Let's just pause. For a second. To gather our courage. Okay, are you ready?






Oh god.



Okay. Here it is. Here. It's a deodorant ad. Remember? It's....






Want more?





I don't know. I just - this isn't right. It's wrong on so many levels the insides of my ears itch. My TEETH hurt. My tabula is not fucking rasa.

Must. Bathe. In. Clorox.

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40 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland