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03.20.2004 - 6:02 p.m.


I have a giant stick rammed up my ass today.


Metaphorical stick, you freak. You know, representing my bad mood?


Bummed: because JB left for Hong Kong this morning, and at such a painfully early hour I could barely peel my eyelids back and I fear I may have drooled on his shoulder a little when I hugged him goodbye.

Depressed: that I caught some kind of Workplace Plague that let's just say had me ejecting ballast from both ends yesterday, and due to my disgusting state of affairs I had to miss my friend Chiara's birthday party which I had been looking forward to all damn week long.

Cheesed: that I have torn apart my house from stem to stern and I can only locate ONE of my favorite super comfortable warm-weather sandals that I had planned to wear on my upcoming vacation. The last time I can definitively remember wearing them was at JournalCon, so I suspect that along with my larynx and my liver, I left my shoe in an Austin hotel. If anyone can tell me where I could find another pair of identical Banana Republic sandals, size 7, in the next 4 days, I will mail you…I don't know, a marmoset. (Hey, I've always wanted one.)

*angelic chorus*

Dumbfounded: about my ability to purchase clothing that makes absolutely no sense and that I will never, ever wear. Case in point: strapless Old Navy sundress with bizarre whalebone-esque plastic torso thingies that dig into my side when I sit down. Plus, strapless? On a full figured woman who is, as we might charitably say, "succumbing to gravity"? RECIPE FOR DISASTER, and not in a perky Janet Jackson way.

Hacked off: about the fact that I am scheduled to get my fucking period during our trip, promising wacky activities like lying on the beach worrying about LEAKING, swimming in the surf worrying about LEAKING, going out to clubs worrying about LEAKING. Also, power-bloating.

Vaguely nervous: about my flight next Friday. I'll be honest, there is zero reason to bitch because due to all of JB's accrued mileage I'm flying international business class, which means you loll in a comfy chair the whole time pouring free booze down your gullet and watching bad movies, but Seattle to Japan is a LONG trip and what if I'm seated next to some freak who talks endlessly about, like, reelecting Bush, or something? Plus I have to change planes in Narita and even though I have a two hour layover I'm worried about becoming hopelessly lost and missing my connecting flight because I am severely, profoundly, embarrassingly directionally challenged. It is a fact that I once got lost coming back to my table from the women's room at the Space Needle restaurant (it…revolves, okay?). Although JB has assured me it will actually be very simple to find the Bangkok gate, I picture myself racing all over the airport, banging my carryon luggage into people's ankles, whinnying in fear and trailing a path of cheesy magazines behind me.

Morose: that I didn't magically lose 20 pounds over the last few weeks and thus feel lumpen and uncomfortable in summer clothing. Low rise capris are NOT your friend when your kicky sleeveless top does not adequately cover your escaping flesh.

Pissed: at the massive influx of recent spam in my mailbox, plus a slew of recent signups to my notify with deeply suspicious email names. Orkut, I am looking at you.

Irritated: with myself for putting the effort into washing, blowdrying, and flatironing my hair before heading to my hairdresser where I know damn good and well the first thing she does is WASH MY HAIR. Also, why in god's name do the shampoo stations have to be so uncomfortable? Is there some salon law that decrees the necessity of cracking your neck vertebrae in half in order to get clean roots? Why aren't the sinks padded? Also, why do I sound like Andy Rooney?

Hair results: more stripe-y. Meh. Shrug. Still have not miraculously transformed into enchanting sex goddess.


ENOUGH OF THE STICK AND THE ASS. I bring you: pets on couches!

And a friendly note left next to the coffee machine. I am going to miss this guy.

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20 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland