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01.18.2004 - 9:21 p.m.


It's like this.

It's like, sometimes you go to Asia, right? Sometimes you go to Asia for business, because you work for A Big Company and that is what you do, sometimes. You travel.

And sometimes you get back and a few weeks pass by and you start to hurt. Let's say you get out of bed one morning and the pain is un-fucking-real, man. You crawl out in stages. You inch out. You swing your legs over the bed so slowly, with so many inadvertent hisses.

You go to the doctor. Hum, hum, hum says the doctor. You go for a full body MRI. ZOMM SOM ZHOM WHOOP WHOP MAAAAAAM MAAAAAAM says the MRI.

The results are inconclusive. Perhaps, the doctor says, an inflamed tailbone?

Drugs! More drugs!

It continues. Now, you see a chiropractor. Crick! Says the chiropractor. Crack! You have a misaligned tailbone, and you must come back weekly for adjustments! Crick!

More pain.

More pain.

Hum, the doctor says. Maybe it's this thing? Yes, I truly think it is this.

This thing. Caused by an infection in the digestive tract, likely incurred in Asia, such as Salmonella, Shigella, Yersinia, or Campylobacter.


Now: A combination of acetaminophen and codeine.

Now: Disease modifying anti-rheumatic drugs.

Now: Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs.

Now: worry, stress, I-want-you-to-be-okay, oh fucking god just get better.


Where there were none, now there are eight.

What happens is your wife is concerned. What happens is she chews on it. What happens in the time before the words, reactive arthritis, have any meaning, is she panics. She loves you. For her, to see you in pain is to feel pain.

It's nothing deadly. It's nothing dramatic. She cares anyfuckingway, you know?


Now: selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.


Where there were none, now there are nine.

Dark amber, typewritten names, tiny pharmaceuticals. This is how it turns out, sometimes.

Better living through chemistry, right? We gulp our pills, dutifully, hoping for relief.

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22 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland