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08.14.2003 - 1:32 p.m.


Did I leave the flatiron on?

No...I'm sure I turned it off. Yeah. Pretty sure.

Man, will you look at all these Microsofties. Everyone driving along with their little parking tag dangling from their rearview mirror. Oooh, *you* have a BMW. Whoopee shit. I bet you have a t-shirt that says "I beta tested Xbox". Geek.

Hello? Helloooooo? That's a green light, buddy. Figure it out. Fiiiigure it out. There you go, genius. Boy, that MENSA acceptance should be showing up for you any day now. Aaaaany day now.

God damn, I'm pissy this morning. Maybe it's because there was no coffee at home. How did I let that happen? I have to remember to go to the store tonight. I think we need paper towels, too. And maybe some -

HELLOOOO? This is an ON RAMP TO A HIGHWAY, asshole! You need to SPEED UP! 35 MPH is not going to cut it! Screw it, I'm passing this dingleberry. Yeah yeah yeah HOV lane illegal blah blah blah whatever. See you, grandpa.

Well, well, well, here I am again. Just driving along 520, doing what I do every goddamn weekday of my life. Heading in to Workplace. And all these people, heading in to their jobs. I wonder if any of them are looking forward to getting to wherever it is they're going. I wonder if anyone is thinking, oh boy, another productive and personally rewarding day coming up for me, can't wait to arrive at my fully functional office filled with helpful and pleasant coworkers!

Yeah right. Look at us all, driving along. Just trying to get through the week. Man, is this it? Is this really what everyone has to do for the majority of their life? This...soulless routine? Where is the passion, the zest for existence?

Here I am, driving to my crappy job that I do not love, starting out yet another day that will fade out all too quickly, and pile up on all the bleached dead bones of days gone by, days where I just...get through the hours. What am I going to see when I look back at this stage of my life? Where are the career achievements, the artistic endeavors, the risks I took and the challenges I overcame? Will I just see years of wasted opportunity? What the holy fuck am I *doing* with my life?


Okay. Oookay. I need to lighten up, stat. Wait. WAIT a minute. Here's the problem. It's this goddamn Peter Gabriel album. You get maudlin every single freaking time you listen to it. Let's eject that mofo What's on the radio? SWEET I LOVE THIS SONG.

"Yo sexy ladies wan pa wid us...In a the cah wid us...Them nwah wid us"

Have NO idea what the lyrics are.

"Yo, shake that ting miss Kannakanna...shake that ting ya Annabella"

Don't stare at me, Mrs. Soccer Mom. I can sing in my own damn car if I want to.

"Inna de club them wan flex with us -"

Whooah...whoah whoah whoah. God, I hate that. Everyone screeching to a halt on the bridge, for no apparent reason whatsoever. Oh goody, now we're all crawling along at a snail's pace. Well, at least it's a nice day. Man, that water looks blue. Sure are a lot of watercraft out there for a workday morning. Hmmm. Must be NICE. Must be awesome to just be a multibajillionaire and spend your days tooling around Lake Washington in a fucking YACHT. Yeah, I see you, Mr. Happy Waterskiier. EAT ME.

Okay, seriously - did I turn off the flatiron? Think. Think think think think think. Yes. I did. Didn't I?

What does that license plate holder say? "I'd Rather Be Running". Well. Isn't that UNIQUE. What a clever way of informing the world that you, certainly the picture of robust health and stunning physique, would indeed rather be running than whatever it is you are currently doing in your jaunty little Honda. Why don't you get out and hit the bricks, Carl Lewis, you'd get across the damn bridge before the rest of us at this rate.

All right. Movement, finally. Um, would you mind getting out of my ASS, lady? Tailgating is Not Fucking Polite.

Hello, Montlake street. You fucker. You're the reason why it sometimes takes 45 minutes just to get back to the highway. You, choked with students, professors, and Laurelhurst fat cats. I hate you.

Hey there, ginkgo tree. Now, I like you. You're okay in my book.

God, almost there. I wonder what the drama is going to be today? Will I be shanghai'd into another four hour meeting talking about the Woes of Workplace? Maybe I'll finally make some progress on those website updates. I should remember to email that PR contact, too.

Hey, I wonder what's for lunch. Hope it's not sloppy joes hope it's not sloppy joes hope it's not sloppy joes hope it's not-

Wait! YES! I remember UNPLUGGING the goddamn flatiron! VICTORY IS MINE!

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9 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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