03.26.2003 - 7:50 p.m.
You know what I am sick and
tired of? The eighty jillion billion million eDiets banner ads
on Yahoo. Especially the one that says something like "Love
your tummy" and there's the graphic of some slender little
slyph making a heart shape with her delicate wee fingers on her
taut belly. Brah. Foo.
Not that I'm constantly checking
Yahoo while I'm at work, mind you. *cough*
I talked with JB last night,
the boat he's on had docked at one of the Catalina islands for
a few hours so he was able to get to a phone. Sounds like they're
having a great time, diving like 5 times a day. He described
diving in kelp so thick and long it was like walking through
a forest, and seeing seals swimming around him doing barrel rolls.
So what have you been up to,
darlin', he asked. I eyed Dog, who had a Frisbee clamped in her
jaw and was trembling with anticipation, and Cat, who was standing
near her food bowl and bleating angrily. Same old, same old,
I swear to GOD the pets get
extra obnoxious when JB's gone. This morning I was ready to send
them to the pound, or possibly to cram them both in a wood chipper.
It started at 5 AM when Cat
began howling outside my bedroom door, sadly interrupting a sweaty
dream featuring Gael Garcia Bernal. The steadily increasing
volume level seemed to indicate she was pressing her little furry
face near the opening between the door and the carpet in order
to be as annoying as possible. I endured the yowls as long as
I could before I staggered out of bed and into the hallway, where
I was hip-checked by a crazed Dog. Fighting to keep my balance
in the Tazmanian-devil like flurry of animals, I threw food in
their bowls, put the dog outside, and went back to bed.
About an hour of blissful silence
passed before Cat was back, re-fueled and louder than ever. Gritting
my teeth, I got up and let Cat out the door to the deck off our
7 AM. Rip rip rip THUNK.
Rip rip rip THUNK. This was the sound of Cat repeatedly
climbing partially up the screen on the door to the deck, then
crashing back down to the ground, while unleashing a series of
I counted to ten slowly, let
Cat inside, then crawled back under the covers.
7:15 AM. Scrape scrape scrape
WHINE. Scrape scrape scrape WHINE. Dog was jumping up
and pawing at the back door, whimpering to be let in.
Not to be outdone, Cat came
back to the bedroom door and resumed her aria.
At 7:20 AM, I slammed open
the bedroom door, shrieked incoherently at the cat, picked her
up and raced to the front door where I tossed her several feet
onto the lawn, turned and charged to the back door where I slapped
the glass and squeaked at the dog, then stomped back down the
hall to my bed, where I lay shivering with irritation until 7:30,
when my alarm went off.
Patience is not my forte first
thing in the morning, is all I'm saying.
So yay, you guys, for all the
great booty-shaking tunes suggestions! I'm having so much more
fun getting ready for work in the morning now that I can jump
around the bathroom singing into my flatiron. Plus, that must
burn some calories, right? Surely I will love my tummy
in no time!
Pssst. It's my friend Peachy's
birthday today, so you should go visit her site and make fun
of her for having sex with a HEART MONITOR on, because that is
such a totally a dorky - and frankly, weird - thing to
do, you know? Oh, and maybe wish her a happy birthday too. Yeah!
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004