01.24.2003 - 6:20 p.m.
This morning over coffee I
saw on an article in the Seattle Times business section featuring
a guy who was in my position before me at Workplace. He has launched
his own company, a dream of his. I felt somehow brought up short
by this, not jealous exactly, just...inadequate.
Does potential have a shelf
life, I wonder. Is there a point where you look at your life
and you are completely content. Is it fair, at all, for a person
who has their health, who has a home, who has a wonderful spouse,
to ask themselves is that all there is? To want more,
even though you don't know what that might be.
This uncertain, vague self-scrutiny,
I've been feeling it since a recent conversation with JB. He
would like to have children soon. And me, well, the idea fills
me with a cold, rising panic. It's not that I'm opposed to having
kids. It's not that. It's just - I thought I would have achieved
more first. This is the time in my life I'm supposed to be...working
into the night on my rising-like-a-star-career! Traveling to
Europe on a whim! Or - I don't know, something. That "something",
I don't know what it is, I only feel I haven't done it. I don't
And that's okay. To not feel
ready. I'm 28. Except. I'm twentyfuckingeight, goddamn it, and
I'll be 29 in February, and all sorts of people we know are having
kids and and everywhere you look there's articles news segments
interviews about how waiting is bad, and the pressure
is there, I can't avoid it.
How did I get here so *fast*?
My god. You're tripping along in your early twenties when you
can still drink 8 kamakazes and not wake up clawing out your
brain, you blink - and BAM, you're almost thirty, domesticated,
10 pounds heavier but none the wiser.
So. Well, so I was having kind
of a blue morning. I got to work and there was this giant package
leaning against my desk. I wasn't even curious, I figured it
was some sort of printing sample or something. When I finally
opened it I squealed loud enough to bring an engineer on the
In the box? A life-sized (5'9",
if you want to know) cardboard standup of - ARAGORN! Sent by
the officially-approved-for-sainthood Peachy.
All my grouchiness disappeared
as I stood Aragorn across from my desk. He's been there all day,
just all manly and studly and directing a piercing stare somewhere
over my right ear. One of the engineers attached a little thought
balloon to the wall next to him that says "SUNDRY. I am
thinking of you."
I'm still immature enough to
be smitten with the cardboard likeness of a movie character.
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004