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01.11.2003 - 3:19 p.m.


Isn't time a funny thing, how you can travel somewhere and spend each day wishing it would hurry along, and you think of the days stretching ahead and it seems so long before you will be home. And when you're back, you realize that the days you spent elsewhere are now just a memory, already fading. And those days went by so fast. Just like they always, always do.

I'm glad to be back. When I got home last night I petted Dog until she practically set off sparks, while Cat disdainfully allowed me a brief pat before retreating to contemplate her food bowl. It was so wonderful to sleep in my own bed, curled against JB, listening to him breathe.

Four days of standing around talking to people at Macworld got exhausting after a while. Sales were weaker than we expected, and we got a large number of Annoying Time-Sucks Who Will Never Actually Buy Anything.

"What do you guys do? Oh, uh huh. Uh huh. Can I see a demo of that? Does it do this? What about that?" (Four mind-numbing hours later) "Well, I don't actually own a computer yet, but thanks for the info."

Standing on your feet for 8 hours a day, when you're used to parking your butt at a desk, is hard. It's tiring, it hurts. It's boring to stand around, waiting to talk to people, saying the same thing over and over. By the fourth day, I was slightly pop-eyed and began forgetting very basic facts about our products ("This…does….uh...stuff. Cool…stuff.").

I'm having a hard time writing this entry, because what I really want to do is vent. I've been sitting at this Word document for half an hour now, writing and deleting what I really want to say. I want to vent about trying to organize the after-hours entertainment during the week, and what a ridiculous clusterfuck that was ("You guys want to do this? How about this? Does this kind of food sound good? Does anyone have a FUCKING OPINION?").

But really, I want to vent about my job. How it's hard to know if I'm doing the right thing or not. How it made me feel last week when Workplace boss Ken asked if we should hire another marketing person with experience in retail. How I couldn't think of anything to say except yes. How I wondered if I would even provide any value to Workplace at all if that happened. How I am sick of someone saying "it's your decision" when it never, ever is. How I am so, so tired of not feeling good about what I am contributing to my company. How that makes me feel about myself. How I am starting to truly doubt my abilities. How that is how I have felt with every single fucking place I have worked for. How I don't know if it's the circumstances I end up in...or if it's me. How writing this paragraph made me cry.



I'm glad to be back. I'm glad I have the weekend before returning to the office and facing the mountain of email that's built up while I was gone. In defiance of the weather, we're going to grill burgers tonight. There's a shitload of Corona in the fridge. And you, my pretties, have diaries I need to catch up on.

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0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland