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12.24.2002 - 1:27 p.m.


When I started this diary, I was unemployed. That seems the most significant description of my life back then: I had no job. We lived in an apartment and dreamed constantly of owning our own house. The reason we couldn't - well, that single income thing. I felt so desperately unhappy about not being able to contribute to our financial situation. The reason we couldn't achieve our dream was all my fault. All the penny pinching we had to do - my fault. The crappy commute JB endured day after day - my fault. I felt burdened with guilt. I felt filled with shame as the days marched on and the phone never rang, the interviews never came through, the end of the unemployment benefits loomed into sight.

It sounds overly dramatic, I know. It's not like anyone was sick, or dying, or in real trouble. We were okay. I just didn't feel okay. Not about myself, our situation, or anything.

The one bright part of my day was posting in this journal. I looked forward to it, this daily routine with its overtones of task and accomplishment. It was something for me to do. And any time someone gave me positive feedback about it, some of that guilt and sorrow and panic I was feeling got pushed out of the way for a while.

I guess I just want you to know, if you've read this diary before if you're just stopping by today (perhaps in search of a bangkokblowjobbar), how much it's meant to me that I have had the chance to do this. This writing thing, this goofy joking around with you. And your nice words have meant more to me than you will ever know.

Sending you the sincere wish that you have the best holiday ever.

Love, Sundry

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0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland