I'm getting a haircut tomorrow.
As usual, I'm looking forward to it with an element of wildly
desperate hope. As usual, I have no idea what I want done, I
just know I am vaguely unsatisfied. I'll go in, and she'll ask
what are we doing today, and I'll whine incoherently while
holding various pieces of hair out, and I'll make comical faces
to indicate my Very Bad Hair, and she'll peer anxiously at my
head and say things like 'more texture', and I won't know what
she'll mean but I'll say yeah ok sounds good. And she'll
cut and razor and blowdry and flatiron and wax and for a brief
shining moment in time I'll have Good Hair. And then I'll go
home and wash it and it will look the same as it always does.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I'm also going through my pre-haircut
inner wrestling with the Bangs Dilemma. Should I or shouldn't
I. What if they. I should just. Molly, my officemate, interrupted
my muttering this afternoon with an exasperated "Just do
it already! You've been crabbing about whether or not to cut
bangs since you started working here."
"Yeah," I grumped.
"But if I cut them I'll bitch endlessly about whether or
not to grow them out. It's one or the other, sister, so get used
JB is strongly opposed to the
bangs. "It's so...like this", he says, using
his hands to trace an Uma-Pulp-Fiction bob around his head and
grimacing. Like that's a BAD thing.
The truth of the matter is,
what I really want them to cut off is about fifteen pounds of
FAT. It's not the hair that's bothering me lately, it's the squonchy
roll on my midsection, the closet full of ill-fitting clothes,
the self conscious rapid-fire change routine in the locker room.
What are we doing today? How
about you put down those shears and we'll do a little full body
lipo, how's that sound? We'll hoover the fucking dimples out
of my ass today, does that work for you?
Do you want to hear what part
of my problem is? It's the unbelievably good, free meals
that Workplace provides for me every single day. I went through
my deleted email and picked out three dinners at random to show
Indian curried chicken
Indian curried tofu
Chicken ravioli with butternut squash sauce
Spinach ravioli with pesto
Cheese ravioli with red sauce
Pork cutlets with apricot shallot sauce
Dinner roast with apricot shallot sauce
Roasted red potatoes
Yeah. We're not talking mac-n-cheese,
and if we ARE, it's some kind of super fancy goat cheese and
homeade pasta lovingly molded into amusing shapes. Meals are
cooked at Workplace by our on-staff chef, and they're served
every day at 6 PM, and you can package everything up and take
it home and eat it with your husband while watching Friends.
Workplace serves lunch, too.
I don't expect sympathy here.
It's just that it's hard to
pass up a free meal when the alternative is staring bleakly into
the refrigerator at home and trying to think of something that
incorporates a limp hunk of bok choy. You know? And when 6 PM
rolls around I'm usually starving so have lost all sense of portion
control, and - yeah. Anyway. I've got to police the food intake
better or risk harpooning.
What are we doing today? How
about exercising a little self control, dammit. And I think you
and I both have the same question on our minds right now: what
is haricot verts?
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004