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11.18.2002 -


I'm getting a haircut tomorrow. As usual, I'm looking forward to it with an element of wildly desperate hope. As usual, I have no idea what I want done, I just know I am vaguely unsatisfied. I'll go in, and she'll ask what are we doing today, and I'll whine incoherently while holding various pieces of hair out, and I'll make comical faces to indicate my Very Bad Hair, and she'll peer anxiously at my head and say things like 'more texture', and I won't know what she'll mean but I'll say yeah ok sounds good. And she'll cut and razor and blowdry and flatiron and wax and for a brief shining moment in time I'll have Good Hair. And then I'll go home and wash it and it will look the same as it always does. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm also going through my pre-haircut inner wrestling with the Bangs Dilemma. Should I or shouldn't I. What if they. I should just. Molly, my officemate, interrupted my muttering this afternoon with an exasperated "Just do it already! You've been crabbing about whether or not to cut bangs since you started working here."

"Yeah," I grumped. "But if I cut them I'll bitch endlessly about whether or not to grow them out. It's one or the other, sister, so get used to it."

JB is strongly opposed to the bangs. "It's this", he says, using his hands to trace an Uma-Pulp-Fiction bob around his head and grimacing. Like that's a BAD thing.

The truth of the matter is, what I really want them to cut off is about fifteen pounds of FAT. It's not the hair that's bothering me lately, it's the squonchy roll on my midsection, the closet full of ill-fitting clothes, the self conscious rapid-fire change routine in the locker room.

What are we doing today? How about you put down those shears and we'll do a little full body lipo, how's that sound? We'll hoover the fucking dimples out of my ass today, does that work for you?

Do you want to hear what part of my problem is? It's the unbelievably good, free meals that Workplace provides for me every single day. I went through my deleted email and picked out three dinners at random to show you:

Sept 18:
Indian curried chicken
Indian curried tofu
Basmati rice
Cucumber salad

Oct 22:
Chicken ravioli with butternut squash sauce
Spinach ravioli with pesto
Cheese ravioli with red sauce
Yellow squash
Greens salad
Ciabatta bread

Nov 6:
Pork cutlets with apricot shallot sauce
Dinner roast with apricot shallot sauce
Roasted red potatoes
Haricot verts

Yeah. We're not talking mac-n-cheese, and if we ARE, it's some kind of super fancy goat cheese and homeade pasta lovingly molded into amusing shapes. Meals are cooked at Workplace by our on-staff chef, and they're served every day at 6 PM, and you can package everything up and take it home and eat it with your husband while watching Friends.

Workplace serves lunch, too.

I don't expect sympathy here.

It's just that it's hard to pass up a free meal when the alternative is staring bleakly into the refrigerator at home and trying to think of something that incorporates a limp hunk of bok choy. You know? And when 6 PM rolls around I'm usually starving so have lost all sense of portion control, and - yeah. Anyway. I've got to police the food intake better or risk harpooning.

What are we doing today? How about exercising a little self control, dammit. And I think you and I both have the same question on our minds right now: what is haricot verts?

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1 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland