11.16.2002 - 3:15 p.m.
Reason #472 it's fun to be
- Cell phone conversation between
JB and I yesterday -
JB: I'm on my way home now!
JB: Ok see you soon, bye.
Me: Wait! What's the worst job in the world?
JB: Uh - what? I don't know.
Me: Fluffer in a leper colony.
JB: Heh. Heh. What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Me: Errrr. What.
JB: Acne waits until you're 15 to come on your face.
Me: Oho. Ho! That's sick, dude.
JB: You're the one laughing. Sicko.
Me: Heee. Bye, see you soon.
Nothing very exciting has happened
lately (surprise) so I set out to write about Cat and her uber-evilness,
and tell you about a few books I've read lately - but then I
was reading Pamie and I realized that would be such a
total cliché diary entry. And then I was like, heyyy
entire JOURNAL is a total cliché.
What can I say? I'm more of
a Bandwagon person vs. Early Adopter. It's not MY fault all these
talented writers went online years ago and dumped thousands of
ones and zeros on the web about their cats and books. I never
claimed to be original. I shop at Old Navy, ferchrissake.
Plus, sometimes I write about
our DOG. That's, like, progressive.
So anyway, heeeere's the cat
in JB's suitcase! Isn't
that evil? With the fur on the clothes and all? So. Evil.
And here's the dog!
And here's the horrible mess
of leaves we have to tackle this weekend! Fuck!
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!
Onward to the cliché reading list. Just to shake things
up, I will try and describe them in haiku.
Come and Go, Molly Snow, Mary Ann Taylor-Hall
tragic shattering moment
beauty and music
The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
Bean, corn, peas, carrot
Turtle grips you heavily
written with genius
Suicide Blonde, Darcey Steinke
Bleak nightscape horror
drunken lipstick blowjob tears
gritted haunted girl
Choke, Chuck Palahniuk
Underneath the rock
maggots writhing endlessly
you will laugh at them
What do you MEAN, that's terrible
haiku? You, in the back - did you just say the word "hackneyed"
while pretending to cough?
Fine. The haiku sucks. You
probably already read those books about eighty jillion years
ago, anyway. I leave you with The Greatest Cliche Of All:
Oh yeah. The badly Photoshopped
self potrait. It can only go downhill from here, folks.
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004