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11.01.2002 - 7:13 p.m.


I'm at work right now, typing this - although I won't post it until I get home, and so if you are reading this the concept of "right now" has happened hours and hours ago, and the words on the screen are like the glitter and twinkle of stars whose light is hundreds of years old. And like those stars I could be doing anything at all at the moment you read this, like going supernova because suddenly my mass is three times that of our sun. Which seems entirely possible, given the amount of chocolate I've eaten lately.

Every year I look forward to Halloween. I LOVE Halloween. I like to troll the aisles of the stores when they stock up on cheesy masks, neon fishnet tights, and black glitter nail polish. I like seeing giant piles of pumpkins for sale. I like the sudden ubiquity of apple cider and mini Snickers bars.

This year, I was all excited for trick-or-treaters. I made JB join me in a night of pumpkin carving. I put a plastic lighted jack-o-lantern in the window. We nailed a string of pumpkin shaped lights in the kitchen, and (inexplicably) a string of red lights along our living room window.

Also, we bought a jillion pounds of candy. The GOOD kind, because we didn't want to be the miserly people handing out that one single tube of Smarties. Oh no, we had Twix and Reese's cups and Whoppers and peanut M&Ms and - I can't go on.

Last night I brought home what claimed to be a scary movie (Pitch Black, and let me tell you, the scariest part was Vin Diesel's one-liners), we lit all the pumpkins, turned the lights down low, and waited for the throngs of children. Hours later, I was watching the end of the movie, JB was asleep on the couch with his mouth hanging open, the doorbell had rung maybe 5 times, and I was surrounded by a shameful pile of candy wrappers. Oh, the debauchery.

One of these years, I'll actually go to some cool party for Halloween. I'll to come up with some clever costume that allows me to flirt with everyone who asks me what it means. I'll be naked, carrying an apple. Or piled into a glimmering red dress and speaking in a throaty voice. "Me?" I'll husk, batting my eyes. "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

Yeah, right.

Two people at Workplace made at least a marginal effort to dress up yesterday. Brian, one of my favorite coworkers, wore camo pants, a blue t-shirt with the number 13 on the back, a shoulder holster, and big weird military goggles.

"Who are you, Brian?"
"In a fit of extreme geekiness, I decided to dress as the main character in Fallout."
"That's really dorky, Brian."
"I know!"

So right now, in my star-time away from you, I have just realized something Very Bad. I was supposed to bring all the leftover candy to work with me this morning. And I forgot. It's sitting there on the kitchen counter, chock full of fattening badness. Now we'll have to resist it all weekend long before I can heave it at the engineers Monday morning.

I can already predict the outcome:

Whoppers: 352
Sundry: 0

Inexplicable Red Lights!

Fake pumpkin!

Real pumpkins! (Mine is on the right)

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1 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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