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09.10.2002 - 8:07 p.m.


Oh, with the guestbook-signing and all! That was so great - thank you. Sorry if I ticked off any imood fans. Maybe you can go set your little icon face to ‘offended’. (Heeeeeeeee.) Seriously, though, you should know that I never think I’m cooler than anyone else, except maybe the dark-haired host of American Idol, because let’s face it, that dude is a major fucking dork.

Random: we have a bunch of those refrigerator word magnets at Workplace, and I just arranged the words “frantic for sausage”, which cracks me up each time I root out a Diet Coke. Yes, I am retarded.

Actually, there is recent evidence that indicates I may in face be ‘differently abled’. Unlike my friend Peachy, who has the audacity to be incredibly witty, freakishly smart, AND slim/stylish/pretty, I often seem to have the brains (and possibly the appearance) of a dung beetle.

So Monday night. I was playing a fun game called The Neverhood, and to reinforce the theme of my stupidity, I had just surfed the web for game hints because I was stuck and couldn’t figure out how to get past this fucking room with the different colored crystal dealies and the big power surge that goes bleepbleepBAZHOOOOOM. After blatantly cheating for a while, I decided I wanted a hot chocolate. Pad pad pad to kitchen, fill mug with water, shove in microwave, whap door shut, plug in 4 minutes, go back to game.

You know the hideous, horrible smell of Shrinky-dinks? Or, have you ever burned your hair? An aroma that was some combo of those greeted me when I came back to the kitchen. Acrid smoke billowed from the microwave. I yanked open the door to see my mug in flames, and itsy black particles instantly coated every surface within several hundred feet.

Oh, the mug? Was plastic, with a metal outer casing. Why, why, WHY did I decide that was microwave safe and would surely not catch on FIRE and stink up the entire town of Bellevue, Washington? Dung beetle.

The microwave was completely hosed. It was so encrusted with the stench of pure evil that JB and I threw it away. I guess we’ll have to visit the Cletus-land side of Sears this week.


I signed up for a massage tomorrow. Yeah. I'll let you know how that goes.

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