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05.22.2002 - 8:40 a.m.


We are the Box People. Pity us, for we must live amongst towering piles of swaying cardboard. We must navigate our blind route to the bathroom in the wee hours of the night only to stub our toes, bang our shins, and become lost in a Tetris-world of boxed linens. Have sorrow for us, we who occasionally hiss "Fuckshit!" as we open up a box we just neatly taped because we accidentally packed the scissors in there goddammit.

Four more days. Four more days.

Things I will miss:

- Watching the cruise boat go by in Elliot Bay
- Well, Elliot Bay in general: container shipments, sailboats, fireboats spraying big plumes of water, the flat stillness that comes on certain days
- Walking up Queen Anne hill to revel in the view and the insanely expensive houses
- Being so close to downtown
- The apartment building across the street that has a big panel of weird colored lights that comes on every evening
- Walking to Pesos on a Saturday night for lethal margaritas and eighty billion tortilla chips

Things I will NOT miss:

- Pounding construction
- Angry Drunken Men walking by ("Sho then I shaid YOU WANT SHOME?")
- Sirens
- Driving around the neighborhood for at least ten minutes every day looking for a place to park
- Eventually parking in fucking GUAM
- Hoofing it up/down 5 flights of stairs to do laundry, bring in groceries, etc
- The multitudes of freakshows living in this apartment building
- Including the landlord, whose eyes point in different directions
- Did I mention the construction?

I will probably also miss my commute. Meaning, it's about to get a lot worse. Right now I head out on Mercer to I-5. Swing onto I-5 and get an adrenaline rush as I battle across 4 lanes of traffic. Slip onto 520, exit onto Montlake, and that's basically it. Soon I'll be headed west across the dread bridges, either 520 or I-90, sitting there for hours with the rest of the poor shmucks you see on the 6:00 traffic update. Maybe get pulled over and humiliated for driving in the HOV lane with an inflatable sex doll.

Not that I am planning on buying an inflatable sex doll for the purposes of shirking traffic laws.

I mean, maybe an inflatable sheep.

So yesterday JB and I went to the escrow place and signed about five hundred different documents. At one point, the escrow guy realized that I had not signed anything with my middle initial, and got sort of frumpy and made me go back and correct my mistakes. I felt very bad indeed, as if I had almost queered the deal or something.

With every document that he slid us, he gave a brief description of what we were looking at. JB hung in there and kept alert and asking questions throughout, but I completely zoned after about 3 minutes. He could have been like "This page basically claims your monthly payment will increase by a billion percent each day starting with a "T" until such time as your interest rate is equal to the width of Saturn's rings" - and I would have scrawled my signature. WITH the middle initial, because I wasn't going down that road again.

Afterwards as we drove home I mentioned to JB (who by the way left a note in my guestbook and I just want to say sorry babe your cat drawing blew goats and everyone knows it bwahahahahaha) that escrow-related stuff would be the most boring career I can possibly fathom. He said, "Yeah, that guy's only interesting skill is that he can read upside down."

No offense to anyone in escrow. I'm sure there are some wild parties and sexy escrow conventions you go to and stuff.

I guess the sellers do their escrow signing thing today. And then, at some point, we get a key? It seems like something more official and exciting should happen. Something like the bat-signal, you know? Only it would be like a logo of a house or something, or maybe it would be words that say "JB and Sundry Own a House!" or…

Anyway. Off to work, where there are blessedly few cardboard boxes to navigate by. Happy Hump Day!

go back ::: forward

05.19.2002 - And speaking of the cat (for a change. *cough*)
05.14.2002 - Do cats like peas? The answer is no.
05.13.2002 - (ending Shatner voice...NOW)

0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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