04.21.2002 - 4:40 p.m.
6 Things That Have Nothing
To Do With Anything
1. One of the first real shows I ever went to was the Pixies,
and I watched openmouthed and bedazzled as Kim Deal just generally
ruled the whole entire universe up on that stage.. When she sang,
it was all breathy and high pitched and little-girly, despite
the fact at one point she smoked a whole cigarette in TWO DRAGS.
Girl rock singers are just
so awesome. Remember the Bangles? I used to think the epitome
of all that was sexy and cool was that one chick's expression
(eyes sort of rolled sideways) when she sang "Walk like
an egyp-tiannnnnn". All feminine and tough and seductive
and rock star-y.
Juliana Hatfield, Aimee
Mann, Veruca Salt, Belly, Nina Gordon, Sheryl Crow, and The Breeders
are all A-OK in my book. Have I missed anyone cool that's cropped
up lately? Seems like I never hear new music, other than the
drek on the radio.
2. Sometimes I am blown
away by the sheer magnitude of forgetfulness that can
embrace me. All morning I planned to go to the store, pick up
some things, and get $10 back in quarters for the laundry. Quarters,
I chanted to myself as I drove to the store, don't forget the
fucking quarters. Quarters, I reminded myself as I waited in
the checkout line. So of course I remembered to ask for them
as soon as I left the parking lot.
This explains why, if you
were in my apartment 10 minutes ago, you would have seen me scraping
a hunk of fossilized gum from a quarter I found on the sidewalk.
3. The other day I received
a parking ticket for "blocking an unmarked crosswalk".
I was filled with righteous anger at the time, because I could
not figure out how I was violating any parking law. I parked
along the curve of the street, well ahead of the crosswalk ramp
thingy on the sidewalk. Apparently there is also a crosswalk
on the other side of the street, that is unmarked. Unmarked -
ergo, it's NOT THERE. Right? I took a picture of another car
that was parked in the exact same place to prove my innocence.
Now I have to show up in some sort of Parking Court this week,
clutching my photo, whining about injustice.
I probably should just
pay the fucking thing.
4. I'm not reading as much
lately. While unemployed I was tearing through several books
a week. Now I'm reading in bits and snatches, like while blow
drying my hair or right before bed. I just finished The Last
Picture Show, which was funny and bleak at the same time. Before
that it was Memoirs of a Geisha (great), and Steve Martin's Shopgirl
(blah). Next I'll try the Stephen King-Peter Straub collaboration
Black House, which will probably be nowhere near as good as The
5. So the cat has become
really annoying in the morning. If her little breakfast routine
is altered in any way - like, say, you try and sleep in on a
weekend - she loses it completely. There is yowling. And caterwauling.
And wet nose-nudging and sheets-clawing.
This morning I about killed
her, because I just wanted to sleep a few more minutes
DAMMIT. And she was already on my shit list for waking me up
in the middle of the night with a Mystery Barf. That's when you
wake up to the sounds of "Hurp. Hurp. HURP!", mumble
"great...that's just great" to yourself as you stumble
blearily to the kitchen, return armed with Resolve Carpet Cleaner,
turn on the light - and Lo! There is no barf! It is a Mystery!
Percent Beer! Rules!
go back :::
04.20.2002 - Sea
slug? Pork chop? Giant hand giving the finger?
04.17.2002 - I'm
all wound up like Denis Leary.
04.14.2002 - So
a futile morning spent looking for a Sofa That Doesn't Suck,
an object seeming more and more elusive, much like the Perfect
Pair of Jeans and the Non UniBoob Sports Bra.
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004