04.13.2002 - 5:30 p.m.
You know when you go and you get your hair cut and highlighted
and it takes forever and you end up shelling out a disturbingly
large amount of cash, drive all the way back home, look in the
mirror - and your hair is crooked? Marty the Almost Certainly
Gay Hairdresser let me down. Now I'm weighing the inconvenience
of having to go back and say "Yo! Picasso! How about we
even things up here, pal!" - vs. the potentially disastrous
outcome of winging it with the kitchen shears.
Bah. That's the kind of
Saturday it's been. JB and I drove and drove around with the
vague goal of finding furniture stores, but with the exception
of a single stop at Sears we were spectacularly unsuccessful.
It's Seattle, for god's sake, it's not like we live thousands
of miles from civilization in a fucking igloo - there
should be TONS of furniture stores, right?
Here's you: "Hey dipshit!
Have you tried a little tool called a phone book? Or are you
too busy what with the drooling and the walking into walls? Hello,
you could probably find 40 stores on citysearch.com alone. Jeez."
God, you're cantankerous
today. Shut UP. Anyway, Sears was chock full of appliance-y goodness.
If all goes as planned we'll be in the new house May 25, and
we'll need a new washer and dryer. Oh yeah, baby, we're going
to be able to wash clothes, like, whenever we want. No
quarters? No fucking problemo. But you know, all I'm really looking
for is something that - get back - washes and dries the clothes.
What the HELL do those $1900 machines do? I mean, unless a washing
machine can somehow iron and fold all the clothes AND lipo fat
from my ass, I'm going with the basic $300 variety.
We went in Sears specifically
to price the washers and dryers, but we ended up in some sort
of covetous state, walking all stiff-legged with our arms outstretched,
droning about big-screen TVs and refrigerators that dispense
filtered water and crushed ice and possibly shots of Glenlivet.
The thing about buying expensive new house stuff is that it's
way too easy to start trying to justify all kinds of extraneous
things like home gyms! Bose surround sound speakers! Leather
couches! Weimeraner puppies!
The other thing we did
was drive by "our" house, very slowly, our faces pressed
up against the car windows and our eyeballs leaving little wet
trails along the glass as we sent penetrating stares at it. Yup,
still looks great.
So tonight we're going
to mosey up the street to have a couple beers and approximately
481104958329 tortilla chips at the always entertaining Pesos.
We've rented Zoolander, which simply has to be better than the
massively disappointing Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back that we
saw last night (Kevin Smith? Hey, um, could you please go to
the blackboard and write "I will never again create anything
as good as Clerks,
500 times? Thanks.).
This is how we get the
party started 'round here.
Check out the message board! All
the cool kids are doing it!
go back :::
04.12.2002 - My
theme song, lately, would be more like that cartoon scrambling-running
sound they always made on The Flintstones.
04.10.2002 - Nothing
says low-stress like offering total strangers an obscene lump
of cash for a house that may or may not be infested by killer
04.06.2002 - Will
a slow song ever fill me with that mix of terror and fervent
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004