03.06.2002 - 11:10 a.m.
Have you ever been completely possessed by a laughing
fit? I mean the kind of helpless giggling that robs you of all
dignity and turns you into a teary hiccuping mess? This happened
to me yesterday and it was really goddamn embarrassing.
Here's the deal - people
who trip in public are funny. Yes, you're a big asshole if you
laugh at an old lady who breaks her hip, but the typical goofy
stumble is a laff riot. (Unless it's you who trips. Then it's
Not Funny.) Anyway, I was walking past my neighborhood grocery
store yesterday and I saw a guy, mid thirties, come jogging up
the steps at the exit only to catch his foot on the top step
and sprawl flat on his face.
Oh god. It was so.funny.
It was obvious he was fine, so I didn't have to wrestle with
the moral implications of laughing at an injured person. He was
carrying two bags of groceries and he partially landed on them
- their contents seriously went flying. Even his groceries
were funny. Oranges bounced comically into the street, a surprised-looking
box of cereal stood upright, a lone can of tomato sauce rolled
in a determined manner quite a distance to rest under a Seattle
It looked like a couple
people were giving him a hand, grabbing his stuff, so I headed
on. Not that I could have helped. Because I was busy wiping tears
from my eyes and making a strained noise that sounded like "eeeeee!
eeeeee!" Nearby dogs were probably howling in distress at
my bat-sonar laughing. So I was in this state of dementia for
almost the whole way home, and everyone that passed by looked
at me like - well, like you look at someone who is chortling
It's like diarrhea…or
maybe it's like something less disgusting than that, but just as helpless.
I've had a laughing fit attack me in a meeting once. God, it
was awful. Whatever had been funny to begin with was no
longer amusing and people were staring at me, but I couldn't
stop - the situation just made it worse. The absolute worst is
if you're trying to calm down, but you catch the eye of someone
else who is stifling laughter. Then, forget it. You are
going to laugh until you pee yourself.
The other thing that happened
yesterday that was entirely the opposite of the laughing fit
was that I went down the street and watched In The Bedroom. I
don't have the ability to put it in words, how good that movie
was. Trite expressions like haunting, and beautifully
crafted come to mind, but you should just go find it and
watch it yourself. It is not a short movie, and it assumes you
have the patience to absorb the scenes without screaming "where's
the car chase/machine gun/big nekkid hooters??" Take my
word for it, it's amazing. Also bring Kleenex.
I am SORE today. Because
I hauled my sorry butt to kickboxing class, which I have played
hooky from lately. My legs especially are all rueful and 'for
vut reason have you caused us this veddy bad pain?' (they have
Apu accents, I'm not sure why) Because we had to do NINETY.
God, how I hate NINETY.
The instructor starts NINETY by making us do a lot of leg-burnout
things, then everyone has to get into this "I'm sitting
in a chair! It's a pretend chair because I am a retard!"
position, with the goal being your legs bent at ninety degrees.
Time passes. Mr. Devil Spawn instructor basically just chants
the word NINETY in varying tones. Person not crouching enough?
"NINETY", he says warningly. Almost time to
get back up? "Ninety.." he says, soothingly.
If you look in the mirror
during NINETY, you will notice that everyone looks completely
deranged. Faces are strained and grimacing, sweat is rolling
down foreheads and necks, veins are bulging. It kinda looks like
everyone is taking a really horrible and painful crap.
Which would be an altogether
different sort of group exercise class.
2002-03-05 - I'm
always the dork wildly pinwheeling their arms and weaving like
a sorority girl at Mardis Gras.
2002-03-04 - By
nothing more than a new moment, different from the last.
2002-03-01 - "Yoop.
Yoop. Yoop. Blargh."
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004