2002-02-20 - 4:47 p.m.
Well, I am officially changed
from Birthday Grinch to Birthday Slut. I was spoiled silly last
night with gifts, flowers, fondue, cheesecake, champagne. So
fun. And fattening. The mark of a good day.
And O, what a pleasant afternoon
I've had today. I decided I needed to take leave of the Sundry
homestead because 1) it is a beautiful and sunny day, and 2)
currently there are large road-chewing machines outside my window
that make a BAM! BAM! BAM! whapwhapwhap BAM! BAM! sound all.fucking.day.
So I made my way on down to the bus stop where a total stranger
told me my hair 'looked great'. I almost licked her face, I was
so grateful. What a shiny happy thing to hear, and especially
from someone who didn't appear to be drunk/delusional ("You
have such lovely rutabaga airplane.").
Basking in my post-compliment
glow, I went to the Nordstrom Rack and did my part to keep the
economy alive. I served my country, dammit. Actually I had a
gift certificate, which made the whole experience very festive
and guilt-free. I did my normal routine of trying on like 89
things and walking out with 4. The Rack has great deals, but
you gotta root around like a pig looking for truffles. And you
have to try on stuff so you can figure out why it didn't fulfill
its duty at the regular Nordie's store. Sometimes it's just surplus
inventory, and sometimes it's because the shirt in question makes
everyone look like a Macy's balloon, even Miss Thang over
there in the size 4 rack.
Armed with a big shopping bag,
which ALWAYS makes me feel good, I got on the bus to head home
- and it was completely packed. At 3:45? Damn. So I was all crushed
against an aromatic mumbling guy with one shoe, everyone looked
scowly or had thousand yard stares, when a wee child spoke up.
"Why is it whenever the
bus stops, no one gets off but more people get on?" He seemed
to ask this of the bus at large, and everyone got Insta Smiles
at his pure cuteness. He was so cute, beams of light flowed from
his cute little head. A guy a few rows back said "Did you
know they even strap people on TOP sometimes?", and the
kid's eyes got all enormous. Even the bus driver joined in, making
the kid giggle by saying "Some folks gotta ride on the BIKE
I mean, everyone was all laughing
and I even felt really close to Mumbling Smelly Joe for a minute
It's been a long time since
I'd gone shopping. Budgetary restrictions, you know. I think
having been low on cash for so long has actually taught me some
valuable shopping lessons. Like: if you try something on, and
you mentally say "Eh" - Don't! Buy It! Just don't.
It will lurk in your closet for years, shaming you each time
you encounter it. "Hi! Remember me, the maroon shirt? Remember
how you thought if you always sat upright like you had a stick
rammed up your ass no one would notice how I gap right in the
middle, showing your bra? And you were totally wrong, because
I always gap, that's my purpose in life and that's why
I was 75% off?"
I have a closet FULL of "Eh".
Each item has its own personal flaw and can be categorized as
such. Gaps In Middle is at the end of the closet next to Rides
Up Butt, Cuts Off Circulation, and Is Too Short. The lesser-evils
are in the easy access area, like Shows Cat Hair and Seems Kinda
I was shopping today with this
weekend in mind. JB and I have our annual trip to the Oregon
coast for the Newport
Seafood & Wine festival. It's this thing where tons of
people cram into big tents where vendors are selling - uh, wine
and seafood. There's lots of drinking before noon involved. It's
fun. But I always run into people I used to know from years back
- it's like a big high school reunion or something. So I want
to be looking all hip and stunning, but in a I-don't-care-what-you-think
way. Although, obviously, I do. My outfit must be casual, yet
flattering; breathable, yet tailored; black, yet dandruff-free;
and most difficult of all, it must withstand waiting in a line
outside in the freezing rain, then inching through an increasingly
hot, crowded area.
I'll probably end up in a t-shirt
and jeans. Because I'm really not capable of all that strategizing.
Thank god I live in the northwest, where jeans are practically
required by law. But I'll bug the holy hell out of JB ahead of
"Does this look ok? What
do you mean, fine? 'Fine' like, it's FINE, or 'fine' like I look
like a warthog?"
go back :::
Did you want to read about:
2002-02-19 - a
Special Day, loud noise, enormous boobs
2002-02-18 - Into
Thin Air (almost), dreams
2002-02-16 - a
corporate crapout, manatee
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004