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And then I was all...

04.29.2003 - They fervently support a “Sick? Leave!” policy, meaning they actually don’t want you to drag your mucus-laden self to the office.
04.28.2003 - The other thing I’ve been doing with the dog lately is “Mrs. President.”
04.27.2003 - My boobs need major support, so that strikes about 99.9% of all bathing attire in existence.
04.26.2003 - It’s not really fishing, it’s more like hostage-torturing for compliments.
04.23.2003 - Thing the third: One. Ply. Toilet. Paper.
04.21.2003 - I hadn’t thought I had drunk enough to kill an elephant, but apparently I had.
04.17.2003 - People think once you move from the west side to the east side you become completely boring and suburbanized, but, ha ha, that's not true!
04.16.2003 - I lose a few pounds, I try on The Pants.
04.15.2003 - "PMS Rabbit almost killed the hedgehog!" I squeaked.
04.12.2003 - Years of coffee, Diet Coke, and Pyramid Snow Cap Ale abuse are slowly bleaching away.
04.09.2003 - I'm shy as fuck, and I really hate that about myself.
04.08.2003 - "Give me back my fucking Aragorn, you propeller-headed dicksmacks, before I whip the crap out of each and every one of you with a car antennna."
04.07.2003 - JB, who ate even more than I did, was paying for it this morning.
04.06.2003 - Is it a robot? An alien? Are those nostrils, or, like, what the fuck?
04.02.2003 - I gazed serenely at him as an inch-wide strip of skin slowly unfurled from my forehead and floated to the floor.
03.31.2003 - You know what's embarrassing about that, actually, is admitting that while JB manfully angled for a blowjob, my idea of a good bet payoff was kitchenwork.
03.28.2003 - Hey, pornigami!
03.27.2003 - Sure, my skin dried up and flaked alarmingly, but I was tan, dammit!
03.26.2003 - . This morning I was ready to send them to the pound, or possibly to cram them both in a wood chipper.
03.24.03 - You know you've lost any sense of rhythm or style when your faithless animals sneer at your choreography.
03.23.2003 - How fun is it to sing “Oh L’amour” at the very top of your lungs while boogying around the living room?
03.22.2003 - Hello, my name's Sundry, and I am a lip goo junkie.
03.19.03 - Awww, you burnt the boat.
03.17.2003 - We watched, and it felt like I was filing the moment away carefully.
03.14.2003 - I have tried speaking to the pets about this, but it does no good.
03.11.2003 - So the poop would be like, ploorrch.
03.08.2003 - I think there is a market out there for tiny little porn magnets.
03.05.2003 - Me: (cryptically) "'My Sources Say No.'"
03.01.2003 - Not so great, the flurry.


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