And then I was all...
06.28.2004 - I don't know about you guys, but unlike the oft-quoted bear, I cannot shit in the woods.
06.27.2004 - I bought a digital camera so I could, you know, obsessively document every tedious moment of my life, and I am certainly not going to spare you the occasional slideshow.
06.23.2004 - When he was a world away she made a typewriter from yellow dandelions and she wrote him a story that had no ending.
06.21.2004 - Like I'd been up all night hoovering giant lines of coke while simultaneously injecting heroin into my gums, or something.
06.16.2004 - I'm not sure what YOU would do if you realized your coworker had knelt in dogshit, but I can assure you I immediately leapt to action.
06.14.2004 - The chosen cucumber must be quickly dropped into its plastic bag with a limited amount of, you know, cuke handling.
06.13.2004 - The last goddamned thing I needed was to focus on whether or not I had to pee.
06.11.2004 - Dog: "Ee-er! EE-ER! EE-ER-EE-ER-EE-ER-EE-ER-EE-ER-EE-ER-EE-ER-EE-ER!!!!!"
06.10.2004 - Fuck it if one journal entry out of hundreds pissed him off.
06.09.2004 - An address is my only freakin' option, it's red hot
06.05.2004 - When youíre emailing a .jpg of the unicorn boner you drew to your husband, you know youíve got a good thing going on.
06.02.2004 - The WORKPLACE NAILGUN.
06.02.2004 - I could do four hundred and eleventeen more days like that, easy.
05.27.2004 - Counting sheep does not help, because those sheep will all have spray-painted words on their wooly sides that say mean things about you.
05.26.2004 - Just write REFILL INFINITY TIMES and I will never darken your doors again!
05.24.2004 - Oh, have you been to the Dim Room With Backlit DEAD THINGS at the Mt. Rainier visitor center?
05.23.2004 - If you think your company might benefit from a hard working, fun professional who is guaranteed to become a valuable member on ANY team - keep reading!
05.21.2004 - If youíre going to feel like shit, you may as well fantasize about shagging a gay pirate while youíre at it.
05.20.2004 - Expect that you will have a metric ton of toilet paper in your office when you return, and just be glad itís not fucking used.
05.17.2004 - Or, Massively Hot Chicks With Sexy Protruding Bellies Whose Mission In Life Is To Make You Feel Bad.
05.16.2004 - BRAIN: Smooth move, Ex-Lax.
05.12.2004 - The turtles weren't there this morning.
05.10.2004 - We paid money to see Quentin's cinematic wank session over Uma Thurman, not to have our retinas exposed to the goddamn Fanta girls.
05.08.2004 - Amazing tomato technology!
05.06.2004 - It was a perfect day.
05.04.2004 - I am on the express train to hell.
05.02.2004 - I went bra shopping today and I swear to fucking god I wanted to crack apart the fitting room mirror in order to use the shards to sever my own HEAD.
05.01.2004 - Just the right kind of weather for a head shavin'.