And then I was all...
04.29.2004 - Hourglass
04.28.2004 - You know how some music, or sounds, are so deliciously good they give you shivery goosebumps?
04.27.2004 - I may occasionally lapse into long mouthbreathing comas where I ponder the outcome of this season's Survivor - but by god, I am a student of life.
04.25.2004 - If you're retarded and you know it, and the dead-white-cat-hat clearly shows it, if you're retarded and you know it, clap your hands!
04.22.2004 - It is, supposedly, my freaking FORTE to package up dubious end products and present them to the public, smelling of roses and glittering with bows.
04.21.2004 - I used to think, as a kid, how very glad I would be to grow up and never have to feel in trouble again.
04.20.2004 - The word "panty" has a line of drool hanging from its lower lip.
04.18.2004 - Someone trepanned him and wedged a rolled-up Home Depot flyer in the hole.
04.17.2004 - “What?” he says. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t underTHTAND you. Could you WEPEAT that?”
04.16.2004 - WHO MISSES THEIR MOUTH WITH A TOOTHBRUSH?
04.15.2004 - Unpredictability is interesting to me, and believe me, I'm typically about as predictable as you get.
04.13.2004 - The passage of time, how deceitful and toying it is.
04.12.2004 - It's a CHICK with a...GIANT ARMPIT.
04.11.2004 - Just a scurvy-ridden, sarong-wearing, sweaty-breasted hellbound recluse, with too much spray on shiner in my hair.
04.09.2004 - . I checked out that journal of yours, and you’re no great shakes yourself.
04.08.2004 - Try doing crunches with a moist snout pressed in your ear.
04.06.2004 - THE REMINGTON SUPERSONIC, THE NEXT GENERATION DRYER!!!
04.03.2004 - Slide show time!
04.02.2004 - It was a wonderful trip.
03.25.2004 - See, I told you I can't write about anything serious without sounding like a cliche.
03.23.2004 - Here is some advice: when you wake up at 3:45 AM, the first thing you must do is NOT think of zombies.
03.21.2004 - (Dishwasher. Dishwasher. Breathe.)
03.20.2004 - ENOUGH OF THE STICK AND THE ASS.
03.17.2004 - "Heh. Cool. Nail gun."
03.13.2004 - Ask yourself, what do you DO NOW?
03.12.2004 - No, you have to stop and just kind of chill out while your body does that decompression stuff, or else you explode like a poodle in a microwave.
03.11.2004 - I cannot begin to describe how deeply, profoundly, pants-shittingly funny Dog's reaction was.
03.09.2004 - Have the Sims stolen my ability to accurately observe the passing of time?
03.08.2004 - Creating characters patterned after your own household is not just creepy and nerdy and lame, it's ALSO strangely engrossing!
03.04.2004 - (FYI: As much as I would like to say it is pronounced "fuckit", as in "fuckit, I'ma have a beer before noon", it's "pooh-ket").
03.02.2004 - Well, and also because Dog has styrofoam packing material for brains and would probably merrily trot out in front of a speeding semi.