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08.18.2004 - 12:20 a.m.

Tuesday

I've been having some major problems with discombobulating fatigue lately. Weird, over-the-top grogginess and even more clumsiness than my usual batch. I've been stumbling around like a zombie, I have typos in all my emails, and my eyelids have been spending half their time drooping southward towards my goddamn spleen (are spleens reeeal super low on your body? For the purposes of this "humorous", heh, diatribe, let's say yes!). I have a bruise the size of Texas on my left hip from thwocking directly into a DOOR. A DOOR that WAS NOT MOVING. Another indicator that I might be having, er, trouble in paradise was the incident yesterday of me hitting a car. A CAR. A CAR THAT WAS NOT MOVING, but was patiently waiting to turn right out of a QFC parking lot. I was turning right into the lot, and my brain said "Yo, bitch, you gots ple-HENTY room to get round that muthafucker" - (because my brain is totally ghetto, maybe?) (Luckily it was just a fender bender and no one was hurt, but basically my hand-eye coordination was apparently fucked all to hell and back because hello? Who hits an UNMOVING car when they are CLEARLY in my line of sight?).

The upshot here is that I have plans to see a doctor about this, so no tips-n-ideas about my potential brain tumor, folks. Love ya, but please don't go freakin' my shit.

So, my Valley of the Dolls condition has made it impossible to get up in the morning at a reasonable hour. JB has tried his best but nothing works - whispering, yelling, poking with a sharp stick - nada. And I snore right on through my BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP alarm, coma-like and drooling on the pillow.

We're talking dead as that little horrible-ass chewed up girl in DoTD; you know, the scary scene in the beginning? Except, you know, without the fatal-biting-of-JB part.*

* Was that a spoiler? Fuck, I'm sorry, but the movie's been out for months so spoiler-avoidance around these parts is, like, expired, man.

To reiterate, I AM seeing a doctor for this crap and making sure my meds are playing nicely with one another to figure out if I have some thyroid problemo and I WILL get to the Bottom Of This Problem soon.

Here is my challenge I am posting to the WHOLE WORLD…uh, the oh-so-appreciated slice of planet earth that reads this, anyway. I am damn well getting out of bed in the morning tomorrow, come hell or high water. I am getting up and I am going to WORK OUT. Albeit to an activity DVD, how embarassing, ("Pilates In Three 10-minute Sessions!", but it's better than not exercising ONE DAMN BIT, which has been my MO for the last several uhhhhh, um, months.

It's here. My pinky swear, posted for you. And I promise, I will tell you if I did it or not. Cross your fingers for my renewed sense of self-discipline, and my battle against the narcolepsy monster!


__________

UPDATE: Uh, it's 9:15 right now, and uhhhh....I totally, totally didn't do it. Because I finally fell asleep at like FOUR-DAMN-AM. And 7? It came toooo early, my friends.

But! I did do one part of the "belly" section, with my perky virtual Pilates instructor, and I am including a link to an incredibly retarded photo I took of my legs (raised, to indicate "crunching"), and Whatshername, the smiley gal who tells me what to do (Her: "Doesn't that feel greeaat?" Me: "NO. Fuggoff.")

THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME, I SWEAR IT! A WORKOUT THAT LASTS LONGER THAN 10 MINUTES! I will conquer you, 7 AM.

ALSO, NOTE THAT I AM NOW VERY LATE FOR WORK. AND, APPARENTLY, UNABLE TO STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS.

Happy Wednesday, folks! Heh. "Hump".

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30 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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