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07.07.2004 - 1:37 p.m.

Wednesday

The suburb of Seattle that I live in, Bellevue, apparently had a city-wide ordinance against all fireworks over the 4th. I don't know if Eastside kids have been blowing off their thumbs at an alarming rate or what, but there were no spray painted parking lot 5-sparklers-for-a-dollar shanties anywhere to be found.

I went to our local grocery store in search of anything flammable and ended up with a pack of what I thought were rated-G fireworks but were in fact "noisemakers". On some you pull a string, which results in a flaccid pow and weak shower of confetti. Others were snaps, the small white paper sort that you toss on the ground for a loudish bang.

Embarrassed over my dismal loot, I threw the noisemakers out and JB and I watched fireworks on TV, which sounds profoundly lame but was actually really cool, especially considering that when they were over - we were home! No crowds! We are old and cantankerous!

Later in the evening on Sunday, I wandered off to the bathroom. Yawning, I sat down on the lid.

KABAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't exactly know how to describe what it's like to sit on a toilet which has been booby-trapped with snaps. Really, you will just have to try this for yourself.

Better yet, try it out on some ASSHAT you live with. Then tell me allllll about it.

:::

Speaking of flammable, I brought a pint of rum on our backpacking trip last week. JB and I shared a few sips, then agreed with each other that it was the most painful booze we'd ever imbibed. It had an okay taste going down, but once you exhaled - holy shit. It was like gargling lye, or something.

At one point I idly read from the back of the bottle: "Do not expose contents to flame." JB straightened and said, "Um...what?" Upon closer inspection it appeared that I had purchased a container of 151 (One! Hundred! Fifty! One!) proof alcohol.

Later, we poured some on the campfire. S'mores flambe!

:::

JB and I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 on Monday night. My inability to express how I felt about the movie knows no limits, so I will parrot some folks who can always, always say it with style:

"...I ultimately think was about seventy percent brilliant, maybe twenty percent amusing smartassery and hyperbole and a good solid ten percent crap, some of which flirted dangerously with outright anti-Arab sentiment. ("Look at Bush, walking with the scary Arab in that weird traditional garb!")" - Rob

"...I will say that watching that movie is the nicest way of getting punched hard in the stomach I can imagine. I felt a little woozy and depressed throughout and afterward. I can't imagine someone, even an ardent Michael Moore basher, not feeling at least a twinge of emotion and confusion after seeing the film." - Omar

I was shaken and disturbed by the film, and - love or hate Michael Moore - you have to be proud to live in a country where a documentary like that was not only made, but has seen the light of day the way this one has. Even if you think he's as anti-American as they come, the very fact that F9/11 is being exposed to so many people seems to underscore so many fundamental freedoms that all of us, conservative, liberal, and in between, have to appreciate. Biased? You're damn right it is. And I would readily watch an opposing view. Both should be available to me.

On a last note about politics, I saw this guy on Jon Stewart the other day. All I can say is, god help us all. November offers nothing but fearsome choices, as far as I'm concerned.

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16 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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