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06.05.2004 - 4:25 p.m.

Saturday

JB and I share a lot of silly jokes between us. These include frighteningly bad songs delivered in a pitch only audible to dogs, "newscaster" monologues describing various scenes in our household ("Ah, what we have here, folks, is a cat that...has clearly eaten some dog food. It appears she has...infiltrated, somehow, a dog food...container of some sort."), and in JB's case, a truly horrific dance move that involves a 'slapping the ass' gesture combined with a Travolta sort of finger point.

Lately we've been saying "WTF mate?" and "WTF over" a LOT. I mean, we have entire (clarification: spoken, not emailed) conversations like this:

JB: "WTF mate?"
Me: "Mate. WTF?"
JB: "WTF OVER?"
Me: "Over. Over and out."

Here is something else we like to say: "Wakey wakey! Eggs-n-baccy!" That may make no sense to you whatsoever, or you may immediately picture Michael Madsen in Kill Bill 2. Anyway, the wakey wakey thing has worked its way firmly into our lexicon, except apparently for JB There Are Limits.

(He's the yellow guy, I'm the giant dog mouth).

Now, I am going to share with you a drawing that I made the other day. In order to explain it, I have to tell you about a Simpsons episode I watched with JB years ago. The nature of the storyline has been lost in the fog, but at one point a piece of artwork hanging in a gallery is shown. The painting depicts a unicorn, standing sadly in front of some polluting smokestacks, I think. Anyway, the unicorn is clearly bemoaning the environmental destruction, and the word "WHY?" is featured prominently.

I can only hope you've seen this episode, because I am realizing it's impossible to describe how hilariously cheesy this WHY? thing was.

Since then, JB and I use the word "WHY?" for many situations. It's become our word for anything sadly puzzling, or vaguely disconcerting, or just plain upsetting ("The last brownie is gone? WHY?"). You have to say "WHY?" in a plaintive tone, beseeching the gods to explain the painful and enigmatic universe to you.

Okay, about this drawing. I was home from work last week, and talking to JB on the phone.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Lying in bed reading Animal Dreams," I said.

"It's, um, 2 PM," he responded.

Since I was being a lazy slut, I guess, I was given a task. To draw the unicorn, only I could exchange the smokestacks for something else.

"WHY?" I asked.

"Just for fun," JB answered.

So, I will warn you that this is not exactly a rated G unicorn drawing. If you're at work and, you know, you run a daycare or some shit, you'd best end things here. In fact, here's a fun and educational link for you daycare folks!

If you're a filthy monkey, start scrollin'…

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SCROLLATILLATION!

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Now, I am definitely not saying that there's anything WRONG with gay unicorn porn, I merely rendered a male unicorn questioning his obvious attraction to it. WHY?

(Also, JB pointed out that I had, in fact, drawn a "horse-rhinoceros, not a unicorn". Seriously, I was a little girl once, I cannot BELIEVE I forgot where the horn thing went.)

My point is, I love our stupid in-jokes. When you're emailing a .jpg of the unicorn boner you drew to your husband, you know you've got a good thing going on.

Um, unless you're a furry.


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24 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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