06.05.2004 - 4:25 p.m.
JB and I share a lot of silly
jokes between us. These include frighteningly bad songs delivered
in a pitch only audible to dogs, "newscaster" monologues
describing various scenes in our household ("Ah, what
we have here, folks, is a cat that...has clearly eaten some dog
food. It appears she has...infiltrated, somehow, a dog food...container
of some sort."), and in JB's case, a truly horrific
dance move that involves a 'slapping the ass' gesture combined
with a Travolta sort of finger point.
Lately we've been saying "WTF
mate?" and "WTF over" a LOT. I mean, we have entire
(clarification: spoken, not emailed) conversations like
JB: "WTF mate?"
Me: "Mate. WTF?"
JB: "WTF OVER?"
Me: "Over. Over and out."
Here is something else we like
to say: "Wakey wakey! Eggs-n-baccy!" That may make
no sense to you whatsoever, or you may immediately picture
Michael Madsen in Kill Bill 2. Anyway, the wakey wakey thing
has worked its way firmly into our lexicon, except apparently
for JB There Are Limits.
(He's the yellow guy,
I'm the giant dog mouth).
Now, I am going to share with
you a drawing that I made the other day. In order to explain
it, I have to tell you about a Simpsons episode I watched with
JB years ago. The nature of the storyline has been lost in the
fog, but at one point a piece of artwork hanging in a gallery
is shown. The painting depicts a unicorn, standing sadly in front
of some polluting smokestacks, I think. Anyway, the unicorn is
clearly bemoaning the environmental destruction, and the word
"WHY?" is featured prominently.
I can only hope you've seen
this episode, because I am realizing it's impossible to describe
how hilariously cheesy this WHY? thing was.
Since then, JB and I use the
word "WHY?" for many situations. It's become our word
for anything sadly puzzling, or vaguely disconcerting, or just
plain upsetting ("The last brownie is gone? WHY?").
You have to say "WHY?" in a plaintive tone, beseeching
the gods to explain the painful and enigmatic universe to you.
Okay, about this drawing. I
was home from work last week, and talking to JB on the phone.
"What are you doing?"
"Lying in bed reading
Animal Dreams," I said.
"It's, um, 2 PM,"
Since I was being a lazy slut,
I guess, I was given a task. To draw the unicorn, only
I could exchange the smokestacks for something else.
"WHY?" I asked.
"Just for fun," JB
So, I will warn you that this
is not exactly a rated G unicorn drawing. If you're at work and,
you know, you run a daycare or some shit, you'd best end things
here. In fact, here's a fun and educational link for you daycare folks!
If you're a filthy monkey,
Now, I am definitely not saying
that there's anything WRONG with gay unicorn porn, I merely rendered
a male unicorn questioning his obvious attraction to it. WHY?
(Also, JB pointed out that
I had, in fact, drawn a "horse-rhinoceros, not a unicorn".
Seriously, I was a little girl once, I cannot BELIEVE I forgot
where the horn thing went.)
My point is, I love our stupid
in-jokes. When you're emailing a .jpg of the unicorn boner you
drew to your husband, you know you've got a good thing going
Um, unless you're a furry.
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004