04.12.2004 - 8:30 p.m.
Paging through my Us magazine
tonight (shut UP), I showed JB a tampon ad that I found extremely
disturbing. It depicted two line drawings of tampons - one burly,
with a jagged cardboard mouth ("Big scary tampon,"
read the copy underneath), and one with
eyelashes, slim and friendly, waving a little cartoon hand ("Nice
friendly tampon"), with a curly little pigtail string dangling
from its base.
"Jeez," I said, staring
at it. "Who MADE this ad? Who APPROVED it? Why do I want
to think about inserting Happy McCheerleader up my coochie? The
"You want to see something
really fucked up?" asked JB. Of course, I always
want to see something really fucked up, so he brought over his
own magazine du jour, Playboy.
(By the way, I love
Playboy. I don't care about the pictures, but they really do
have great articles, and I read each issue cover to cover once
JB is done paging through the centerfold. However....)
what I am about to
show you is profoundly, extremely, freakishly weird advertising.
I am just trying to imagine the pitch
the exec unveiling
the concept art
.the client nodding, maybe pumping their
arm in the air, yelling "Yes! Yes! THIS WILL SELL OUR DEODORANT!"
I will give you one last chance.
To turn, to leave, to read something else, to pretend you never
came by this page tonight and saw
what I am about to show
Okay. You asked for it.
First of all: this is the product.
This is what the ads are supposed to make you want to buy.
Yes. Hm. Dry pits...win.
Let's just pause. For a second.
To gather our courage. Okay, are you ready?
Okay. Here it is. Here. It's
a deodorant ad. Remember? It's....
It's a CHICK with a...GIANT
ARMPIT. With THREE TOES.
I don't know. I just - this
isn't right. It's wrong on so many levels the insides of my ears
itch. My TEETH hurt. My tabula is not fucking rasa.
Must. Bathe. In. Clorox.
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004