03.20.2004 - 6:02 p.m.
I have a giant stick rammed
up my ass today.
Metaphorical stick, you freak. You know, representing
my bad mood?
Bummed: because JB left for Hong Kong this morning,
and at such a painfully early hour I could barely peel my eyelids
back and I fear I may have drooled on his shoulder a little when
I hugged him goodbye.
Depressed: that I caught some kind of Workplace
Plague that let's just say had me ejecting ballast from both
ends yesterday, and due to my disgusting state of affairs I had
to miss my friend Chiara's
birthday party which I had been looking forward to all damn week
Cheesed: that I have torn apart my house from
stem to stern and I can only locate ONE of my favorite super
comfortable warm-weather sandals that I had planned to wear on
my upcoming vacation. The last time I can definitively remember
wearing them was at JournalCon, so I suspect that along with
my larynx and my liver, I left my shoe in an Austin hotel.
If anyone can tell me where I could find another pair of identical
Banana Republic sandals, size 7, in the next 4 days, I will mail
you…I don't know, a marmoset. (Hey, I've always
Dumbfounded: about my ability to purchase clothing
that makes absolutely no sense and that I will never, ever wear.
Case in point: strapless Old Navy sundress with bizarre whalebone-esque
plastic torso thingies that dig into my side when I sit down.
Plus, strapless? On a full figured woman who is, as we might
charitably say, "succumbing to gravity"? RECIPE FOR
DISASTER, and not in a perky Janet Jackson way.
Hacked off: about the fact that I am scheduled
to get my fucking period during our trip, promising wacky
activities like lying on the beach worrying about LEAKING, swimming
in the surf worrying about LEAKING, going out to clubs worrying
about LEAKING. Also, power-bloating.
Vaguely nervous: about my flight next Friday. I'll
be honest, there is zero reason to bitch because due to all of
JB's accrued mileage I'm flying international business class,
which means you loll in a comfy chair the whole time pouring
free booze down your gullet and watching bad movies, but Seattle
to Japan is a LONG trip and what if I'm seated next to some freak
who talks endlessly about, like, reelecting Bush, or something?
Plus I have to change planes in Narita and even though I have
a two hour layover I'm worried about becoming hopelessly lost
and missing my connecting flight because I am severely, profoundly,
embarrassingly directionally challenged. It is a fact that I
once got lost coming back to my table from the women's room at
the Space Needle restaurant (it…revolves, okay?).
Although JB has assured me it will actually be very simple to
find the Bangkok gate, I picture myself racing all over the airport,
banging my carryon luggage into people's ankles, whinnying in
fear and trailing a path of cheesy magazines behind me.
Morose: that I didn't magically lose 20 pounds over
the last few weeks and thus feel lumpen and uncomfortable in
summer clothing. Low rise capris are NOT your friend when your
kicky sleeveless top does not adequately cover your escaping
Pissed: at the massive influx of recent spam in my
mailbox, plus a slew of recent signups to my notify with deeply
suspicious email names. Orkut,
I am looking at you.
Irritated: with myself for putting the effort
into washing, blowdrying, and flatironing my hair before heading
to my hairdresser where I know damn good and well the first thing
she does is WASH MY HAIR. Also, why in god's name do the shampoo
stations have to be so uncomfortable? Is there some salon law
that decrees the necessity of cracking your neck vertebrae in
half in order to get clean roots? Why aren't the sinks padded?
Also, why do I sound like Andy Rooney?
Hair results: more stripe-y.
Meh. Shrug. Still have not miraculously transformed into enchanting
ENOUGH OF THE STICK AND THE
ASS. I bring you: pets on couches!
And a friendly note left next
to the coffee machine. I am going to miss this guy.
last ::: next
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004