01.28.2004 - 1:09 p.m.
Wednesday
JB is gone this week, not tooling around Asian blowj0b bars as usual (ha ha, just kidding! I think!), but instead is up in Vancouver taking a horrible terrible sounding scuba class called Tech 1. Part of the class listing reads: "The GUE Tech 1 program is structured to prepare divers for rigors faced while technical diving and to familiarize them with the use of different breathing mixtures. Students will become experienced in the use and failure problems associated with diving double tanks."
Apparently the class includes zany madcap underwater fun like instructors yanking off your mask, simulating tank failures, pulling the regulator out of your mouth, and maybe poking you in the face with a sharp stick just for good measure. That JB! Always looking for a good time!
The whole dive system he's been really into the last couple of years is called DIR, for "Doing It Right" (obviously they need a marketing weasel to come up with a snazzier slogan). I like to tease JB by calling it "DID" for "Doing It Dork". I also have a little ditty I sing to him on occasion, like when he's huffing his ginormous double tanks to and from the BAMT. It goes like this:
"Doin' it scuba nerd!"
Oh, it may not look too impressive here on your computer screen, but it's a powerfully catchy jingle! "Doo doo doo do-do DO!" JB cares for it deeply, and really appreciates me taking the time to sing it eight or twelve times in a row, sometimes accompanied by a fascinating dance.
So I had the house to myself last night. I asked myself, self, what is it you would like to do, with the choices spread ever so richly before you? See what gems TiVo had stored (Girls Behaving Badly: why?), maybe? Do some laundry? Surf LoTR slash fiction?*
*Come now, like I would do such a blatantly filthy, disturbing, pervy thing. Besides, the PoTC stuff is way better.
I ended up watching American Idol. Because I am a tool.
If you watched it too, what was UP with the way they treated that girl, the one about 10 minutes into the show, I think she was like 17 and had a kid? She sang "Fever"? Because I thought she did a bang-up job, honestly. She sounded sort of sultry and smoky and maybe not super refined but a hell of a lot better than the cheeselogs they picked later. I don't get it.
I swear I want to smack the living shit out of Simon and also maybe make out with him.
Tonight, while JB wrestles live sharks or enters in a penis size contest or whatever the shit they're doing, I will be watching my brand new "Dress to Kill" DVD, just to practice the 'shake head no, nod head yes' routine. And that is what I will be doing in my empty house, shaking my head at Dog.
Oh my god, no I won't. That is so lame.
Yes...yes I will.
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