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12.07.2003 - 5:16 p.m.

Sunday

It's been sort of a holly jolly weekend, we've fully supported the crass commercialization of Christmas in all sorts of ways.

We got our tree on Saturday - it's a lovely Noble fir that cost sort of a ridiculous amount of money considering we DO live in a part of the country that has, last I looked around, a whole shitload of evergreen trees. The BAMT came in quite handy, we just tossed the tree in the truck bed and drove home. Much better, dignity-wise, than what happened a couple years ago when we oh-so-cleverly lashed our purchase to the top of the car by looping twine through the open windows and over the roof, then goggled idiotically at each other when we simultaneously tried to open our (tied tightly shut) doors.

Later in the day we made a doomed trip to Home Depot where we gazed with sorrow at the rows of empty shelves that once held lights. "We are going to have to go…" I started to say to JB. "No!" he cried. "Not…" "Yes," I said sternly. "Fred Meyer's."

Our local Fred Meyer's is a clusterfuck on the best of days - slackjawed clerks, crazy old ladies with fifty thousand wrinkled coupons, lines that snake halfway through the store and move at glacial speed - but during the holiday season it's a complete madhouse. Happily, they still had a ton of lights, even though we had to practically climb over people's shoulders to get at them.

"Let's go…NOW," hissed JB, narrowly dodging a frantic woman lunging at a package of Christmas-themed wine charms.

Back at the house we surveyed the roofline. Last year JB had spent a long, laborious day with hammer and nails securing strings of lights that ultimately looked pretty weak. They weren't very straight, they were too small, and eventually a whole string went dead because we plugged too many together.

Oh ho, not so this year! We bought the larger 'C' kind of lights that easily clipped into the gutters, creating a perfectly straight uniform line. It took us maybe half an hour to get them all hooked up, with me handing JB lights and freaking right the hell out about the ladder (Me: "Be careful! It's tipping! Oh god!" JB: "I have used a goddamn ladder before.").

Then we put lights on a small tree in our front yard, which resulted in me scratching my head and mouthbreathing over how you make lights blink. Notified readers came to the rescue, and we did the thing were you unplug one light and put in the special little pink light, but there was a snafu somewhere and a whole bunch of lights went dark and we spent a goodly amount of time out in the cold mumbling cuss words and fiddling with the wee little bulbs until the whole thing finally lit back up again, not blinking but who the hell cares, maybe we're saving some poor unsuspecting passerby a grand mal seizure.

Then we came in and put the lights on our pretty Noble, and hauled out our box of decorations that includes many of your typical ornaments but also, starting this year, a wooden squirrel holding a string of acorns that JB said looked like a sex toy.

:::

 

But, it hasn't been all holiday cheer around the household.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I AM SAYING?

No, I mean JB has suffered an attack/flareup/injury that may be, according to various sources: some kind of arthritis (doctor), bulging disk (same doctor), poorly aligned tailbone (chiropractor), sciatica (internet), Various Horrible Maladies Resulting In Ass Amputation (more internet).

He's in a lot of pain, which is hard - it's hard to see a loved one in pain. He did get a decent wad of Tylenol 3s, though, so he's able to stay on top of it. I'm just crossing my fingers he gets better soon.

As for today, I dragged my codeine-dosed, limping, retail-phobic husband through the throngs at Bellevue Square Mall today to do some Christmas shopping. See? I'm just filled with the holiday spirit.

:::

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17 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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