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08.04.2003 - 11:05 a.m.

Monday

I looked at the weather section of the paper today and sighed with relief. It's blessedly cool here this morning, and promises to be in the mid-seventies all week. Last week's heat wave seems to have abated for the time being, and I'm glad - maybe I can do something with myself in the evenings besides wilt over a lawn chair.

Also, when did I become this person? This mid-seventies-is-just-fine-by-me FRUMP?

Maybe I'm just getting older and more sensitive to the heat. Maybe the longer I live in the clammy PNW, the more I darwinize myself towards gills and webbed toes. Maybe the less I feel confident about parading myself around in sleeveless tops and shorts, the more I long for a brisk cool breeze.

God knows I feel wearing a muumuu today, or possibly a small circus tent. I seem to have spent a large portion of the weekend gnawing on tortilla chips, toffee chocolate bars, fig newtons, and a particularly sinful ice cream birthday cake - feeding, larval-like, in a dense PMS fog, and today marked the appearance of auntie flo/red badge of courage/crimson tide/your favorite period metaphor here. I feel e-fucking-normous, like an elephant seal, capable only of flopping around moaning about breast tenderness.

This body, this sack of meat. Sometimes I really wish I could unzip it, toss it aside (pathetic, crumpled and pink), and crawl into a new and improved version. Something with flames painted along the sides, maybe.

Aaaaanyway, so it was JB's birthday this weekend, and this is one of the presents I gave him, in a framed 8x10:

By request from the talented Mangus, who did not even blink (not that I could tell over email, but shut up) when I asked for a drawing of JB as "sort of a superhero, with guns and an iceaxe and oh yeah scuba tanks". Didn't he do an awesome job?

(Now I secretly want my own superhero picture, but uhh…I don't know, can you carry a book and look tough? Maybe be typing furiously at a computer? Watch out, Gotham.)

We drove back from JB's family's cabin last night instead of this morning, which was sort of a mistake. Traffic, traffic, everyone with canoes and 4-wheelers and inflatable rafts and screaming children strapped to their vehicles. RVs, trailers, campers, all heading back from a summer weekend away from home. It took one holy crap of a long-ass time to make our way back to Seattle, and we've STILL got 3 CDs left on From a Buick 8. Not a short book.

I walked in the door last night and there was a giant spider just standing there in the foyer, like some appalling welcome wagon from hell. This seemed ominous, and I quickly scanned the walls and floor, envisioning for a frightful instant a thick blanket of spiders that had spent the weekend busily reproducing. Nothing, though, and the spider was duly squashed by JB and we carried on with unpacking. But! - later in bed, I glanced at the floor just in time to see another - GIANTER - spider come sauntering out from the closet. He or she was squashed as well, although it involved a merry chase between JB, the spider, and a large bottle of Scope (the only weapon at hand).

Two big spiders in the same evening is enough to turn me into a shivering wreck, jerking my head around frantically trying to spot the next one before it drops, squirming, into my shirt. It's August, which apparently is 'spider season' around here (they're mating? something); there's likely more, shudder shudder, to be found.

So today finds me bloated, crampy, tiptoeing wild-eyed around my house because I'm afraid of creepy crawlies. God damn, all I need is to stand teeteringly on a chair and shriek about mice to complete this particular feminine stereotype.

Oh well, at least it's not too hot outside.

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4 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland