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07.27.2003 - 12:24 p.m.

Sunday

This morning JB left the house at an ungodly hour, heading to Mt. Rainer for a mountaineering course taught by the well-known guiding service RMI. This is a one day climbing school, which will hopefully provide JB with valuable skills such as How To Avoid Tumbling Into Giant Icy Crevasses. Oh, and it also teaches 'the latest in ice axe arrest practices', or 'how to stop yourself from plummeting into fucking space if you eat shit on the mountain'.

The class is required for a guided summit attempt, which JB is doing August 10-11. He's really on a roll lately. Between training to be a tech diver, which apparently involves breathing something called TriOx in order to stay underwater for, like, fourteen thousand hours at a time, he's on this endeavor to scale our local enormous hunk of rock and ice.

I don't share JB's love for these particular outdoor activities. Because diving in the Puget Sound - cold, dark, limited visibility? Eek. Plus, there's…sea life down there. I am rather fond of the grouchy-looking wolf eel, but prefer the aquarium glass between us. As for mountain climbing, I have to count internally when I walk down a flight of stairs, because I believe this keeps me from tripping and falling to a bone-crunching heap - I can't imagine inching down a deadly pitch wearing crampons, whispering "242,563; 242,564; 242,565…" And the vaguely OCD stuff aside, I am both afraid of heights and large amounts of painful physical activity.

Lucky for me, JB seems content to pursue his own interests without requiring me to join him. We overlap in some areas, like hiking and camping, and of course TiVo-viewing.

Speaking of hiking, we headed to a nice little trail near the Snoqualmie river yesterday, which we thought we were going to have all to ourselves, being as how we drove the World's Longest and Dustiest Gravel Road ™ to get there, but nay, the parking area was quite full. Seattle! So many people, everyone trying to get outside during the short-lived dry season.

Despite being attacked mercilessly by flies the entire time, it was a pretty walk through the woods with the river burbling along nearby.

Dog, swimming in a creek's plunge-basin.

JB and a slippery-footed Dog.

Yours truly, holding back an unruly lock of hair. Also, hellooooo brastrap!

:::

JB's brother Joe is a funeral director. Or mortician, if you please. Undertaker. You know Six Feet Under? That's what he does. Anyway, he left a message on our answering machine the other day:

Joe: "DUDE. You have got to hear about this death I was on. The worst thing I've ever seen, man. I'm telling you, I puked. Second time in my life that's happened. Anyway, give me a call!"

It's gross, I know, but I was dying (heh) to hear what the story was. I made JB call him right away to get the details. Basically, a 300+ pound man dies in his armchair. Two weeks go by. It's been sweltering hot. That's when Joe has to go pick up the body. There's more, but really, you might be eating right now.

So, next time your job is bugging you, just think to yourself, "Hey, at least I don't have to touch a giant decomposed dead body today".

Unless, well, you do. In which case you might want to try putting some Vick's under your nose. I hear that helps.

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9 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland