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07.18.2003 - 5:32 p.m.

Friday

Okay, if you're one of those people who is far too cool to watch bad television, pretend that everything below this paragraph is a fascinating entry chock-full of sarcastic yet revealingly inflated opinions on the myriad of complex characteristics that make up That Which Is Me. Because, you know, that's the sort of journal you really should be reading.

Here, on the other hand, it's all about the acknowledgment of my faults. I know I'm a bad person for not just stumbling across the J.Lo/Affleck interview and then watching it out of inertia, which might have been forgivable, but actively seeking its timeslot on tvguide.com and settling on the correct channel at the correct time and only peeing during the commercial breaks ETFUCKINGCETERA. I know I'm a bad person for watching the entirety of that Carson Daly roast thing and laughing like a goddamn stoned hyena during this joke:

Comedienne: "Yeah, I happen to know Carson Daly has a big dick. It's in his ass and it belongs to P. Diddy."

Okay, that IS funny. But still! The bad TV! What is my problem? I am the unwashed masses, seriously. I am the reason they keep pumping out every variant on the reality theme they can conjure, possibly taking enormous hits off giant crack pipes to help the creative process. Stupid horrible show where an idiotic girl is presented with a series of men who wish to date her and her sorority-chick friends get to decide who's a keeper? Sure, I'll dedicate an hour of ass-plantedness for that!

The thing is, I totally know I could be doing something better with my time. There's books to be read. A body to exercise. Hell, a cuticle to be pushed back - almost anything has got to be an improvement on watching people struggling to keep down a coffee mug full of earthworms, or whatever.

So, in a move clearly designed to help break this habit, JB and I have purchased both a TiVo and premium cable.

Um, let me explain.

See, I am typically a passive television viewer. I don't normally track specific shows (with exception to the freakish desire to watch the JLo thing, and really, could she be more vacantly giggly and could he seem less honestly attracted to her?) so I usually just flip channels until something catches my eye, and I'll watch that for a while, then I flip some more, and so on. Along the way I usually end up mired in helpless deer-in-headlights mode brought on by the MTV-style editing that's showing up in more and more reality shows.

With HBO etc, and a system that will capture the things I actually think about ahead of time in terms of my enjoyment and interest, I think we'll do less of the 'let's just see what's on' approach. And there's so much stuff I would like to watch as it's being broadcast instead of being several seasons behind via Netflix (Six Feet Under, Oz, etc).

Do you have a TiVo? If so, let me know how it works for you. Do you still watch crappy shows? Do you watch more tv, or less?

:::

Thank you, Adam, for sharing this hilarious page with me (context: it's a contest for people to write the worst opening lines of a novel)!

"She fumbled for her laser gun, knowing that the alien was eager to ravage her, unlike Captain Johnson, who wanted to take things slow since he was coming off the heels of a very painful divorce."

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4 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

yay, diaryland