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04.21.2003 - 6:50 p.m.

Monday

Dear god, is the driving over? Is it really? I…I feel like in a sense it never will be truly over, that part of me is forever staring out a rain-sheeted windshield as sections of I5 pass by, miles and miles and miles, no rest stop in sight.

I'm so happy to be back, in my own house, with the cat yelling at us about how we didn't leave nearly enough food, I mean those five bowls were TINY, and Dog rushing around happy as shit to be out of the car (me too, Dog), and even the pile of work email I need to catch up on, one of which included the following message which I quite enjoyed:

----- Original Message -----
From: Brian
To: everyone at Workplace
Sent: Monday, April 21, 2003 11:34 AM
Subject: Thanks, all...

For everyone that noticed but did not mention to me the fact that I was not only wearing my shirt inside out, but backwards, as well, with the little tag thing sticking out of my neck like some fabric tracheotomy tube...

Thanks. But next time, for the love of god, please say something.

heart,
Brian

So Friday night, and the strip club - oh my god, people. All I can say is, I had no idea that I was capable of acting like a drunken conventioneer outside the realm of actually being drunk at a convention, so, you know, yay for new personal discoveries.

JB and I went with his brother Joe to the club early in the evening, where we met up with some friends of theirs. I was peripherally aware of naked girls around us, but we weren't sitting right in front of them. After a few beers, JB convinced me to sit with him at the stage where the girls were dancing.

Well. I don't know if most dancers get sick of the guys they have to deal with, and therefore love to see another female in the place, or what, but I had girls all OVER me.

It probably wasn't nearly as hot as it looked. A delicious blond would spin on the pole with one leg outstretched, uncoil and pour slowly over me until she was practically in my lap, lift a lock of my hair and put her mouth directly next to my ear, and every guy there had their jaw on the floor. But she would be whispering: "Hey, where'd you get your tattoo? It's really cool!"

It was a blast, though. I really had fun, and while I'm a Happily Married Woman, I could totally appreciate the sexiness of the situation.

(Because they had like Maxim bodies! Seriously! I still don't know if the visual appeal for me was stemming from a real physical attraction or more of an aching jealousy. Probably a leetle from column A, a leetle from column B.)

But the next day. Oh, the pain. The sheer, unending agony. I hadn't thought I had drunk enough to kill an elephant, but apparently I had. I was hating life literally all day long and STILL felt mildly shitty on Sunday morning, when I attended church with JB's mom.

Yes, I went to a strip club and a church in the same weekend. Both are fairly rare activities for me, so I figure they cancel each other out. Whee!

While the majority of what I did over the weekend shall probably be forever filed under "whoah, naked chicks" (and cross-filed under "worst fucking hangover EVER"), I did walk on the beach with Dog, spend time with JB's family, and…ate about fifty jillion million peanut butter filled chocolate easter egg candies.


I'm trapped in a car with nothing better to do than take photos of myself in the rearview mirror. Will you feel my pain?


It's Portland, where I used to live. Hi, Portland! Hi!


Check out JB doing his Chariots of Fire imitation. Why is that poor Dog on a leash, you ask?



Because otherwise she races out to the water and plunges around like a crazed orca, although in this picture she sorta looks like she's about to take a dump.


So between the strippers and the drinking and the eating and the lying around sluglike in a car, I pretty much violated every deadly sin I possibly could this weekend. How about you?

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0 comments so far.

I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004

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