02.27.2003 - 8:42 p.m.
Date: Thu Feb 27, 2003 2:39:23 PM US/Pacific
Subject: La Cucaracha
just the worst strip ever. Just. Sucks. So. Very. Badly. Especially
today. It's even worse than Luann, and that's saying a lot. Seriously.
Surely there's some new talent, perhaps a budding Bill Waterson,
whose comic is less obnoxious?
Date: Thu Feb 27, 2003 2:39:08 PM US/Pacific
Subject: Thank You
for sharing your thoughts on our comics selections. Due to the
large volume of responses, we are unable to provide individual
feedback. We value your input and thank you for reading The Seattle
Why was I compelled to email
the Seattle Times today, when I have never written a newspaper
in my entire life? Well, I read the comics. Like every day. I
read the rest of the paper too, dammit, so quit with the knowing
smirk. I'm talking to YOU, missy.
Newspaper comics, for the most
part, really suck these days - but I read them anyway. Even that
godawful Family Circus, which is, you know, "always there,
in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck." RIP
Bloom County and Calvin and Hobbes.
So even though they're all
pretty damn bad (with the exception of For Better Or For Worse,
and occasionally Frazz), I certainly would never feel compelled
to take finger to keyboard to rant incoherently to the newspaper.
Except. Except they consistently run a strip at the top of one
of the pages that says "We're trying this strip out! Let
us know what you think!"
These are like, the worse strips
in the entire world. I can't even remember what some of the past
ones were - they probably sucked so bad they formed little space/time
vortexes and eventually disappeared. But "La Cucaracha"
which has been running recently is - I don't know, it just irks
the living shit out of me. Here is today's, the strip that made
me Stand Up and Take Action:
O God! Isn't that just...don't
you just sort of want to SLAP someone after reading that? It's
not just that it's not funny at ALL, it actually forms some sort
of humor vacuum. It's like chewing on tinfoil. Or listening
I can just picture the author,
idly tapping a pen to his teeth. He's thinking. He's thinking
hard. Suddenly, an idea starts gelling in his mind. He's grinning,
nodding his head. Yes, the character will..make fun of the other
character for eating...sugary cereal! And the other character
will become chagrined and rush off to eat...FIBER!!! Oh my god,
this is sheer comedy gold! And the last pane will be the first
character - eating the other guy's cereal!! Because! He!
Wanted it all along!
It is only then that he begins
crafting the awe-inspiring dialogue, priming his creative skills
with a long, thoughtful inhale on the crack pipe held in his
Update on Operation Ass-Be-Gone:
none. No progress. Not one pound lost. I am feeling low about
this. There's been birthday dinners and seafood and wine weekends
and, you know, a vat of Thai food at lunch today with the uber-cool
Chiara, whose entry today made me pee myself
just a little (ok, a lot).
So. There will be a Renewal
of Purpose. A Redoubling of Efforts. An Embracement of Gym Sessions
and Carrot Sticks. I WILL overcome.
Because. Well. I have a little
secret. Come here. Closer.
Not that damn close! What the
hell did you have for dinner, a jar of minced garlic?
The secret is, JB and I might
go on a cruise in May. SHRIEK! He just might have enough miles
built up that we can swing a "Mexican Riviera" cruise,
which departs from L.A. and hits Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, Puerto
Vallarta. A week of sun, snorkling, and banana daiquiris, how
great does that sound?
Plus, bathing suits. And shorts.
And tank tops.
Daruma-san, don't fail me now.
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004