02.08.2003 - 4:25 p.m.
Check out my swanky new manicure
(bonus: Dog)! And I assure you the deathly pallor is due to the
flash, thankyouverymuch. In reality I am a delicious light
caramel, sun-bronzed and sultry. Except, well, that's a dirty
lie and I look like I live in a cave. Damn you, Seattle.
A while back I happened to
notice that my coworker Scott's fingernails were in a state of
utter disgrace. "Have you heard of a little device called
a nail clipper?" I asked in (rude) disbelief. "My god,
you could take up ice climbing with those puppies."
No really, we're friends.
I convinced him to come with
me to get a manicure. So yesterday we had our appointments at
InSpa, a place by Workplace that does nails, facials, massages,
etc. I asked Scott if he was maybe going to get clear polish
or anything and he emphatically replied in the negative. "No
WAY," he said. "I mean, are you kidding?"
I picked out the El Slutadore
Rojo color pictured above, and an miniscule Asian woman took
me to her station. While she was working at my nails with various
tools, she asked if I wanted my husband to come sit next to me.
I arched an eyebrow (or, actually, since I can't do that, I 'raised
part of my face') and told her he was my coworker, leaving off
the fact that he's gay as a goose.
When I was in the standing-around-waiting-for-everything-to-dry
phase, I looked up to see Scott happily flapping his hands at
painted with an even SLUTTIER dark burgundy color. "I
thought you weren't going to do polish!" I said. "Well,
I don't know, I just figured I was doing all the other shit -
might as well go all the way, eh?" he replied.
A bunch of us went for drinks
later in the day, and both Scott and I spent most of the evening
gazing at our shiny new nails.
When we were at the bar, we
talked about verbal idiosyncrasies - like what certain words
you tend to say when you can't think of the right word. My coworker
Brian says "thingie". This replaces either the missing
word or an entire phrase that he feels he can't say right. I
tend to say "whatchamajigger" and "hooyah"
(hey, where's the hooyah that attaches to the battery charger?),
The conversation meandered
along as booze-filled chats tend to do, and at some point we
all thought it would be the absolute pinnacle, the very zenith
of humor if, when one is presented with a brain fart on the right
term to use, one were to issue a loud macaw squawk.
Picture a table full of people,
red-faced and teary-eyed, all of them delivering giant parrotty
screeches then laughing until they wet their pants. Yeah, you
didn't want to sit next to us last night.
go back :::
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004