01.17.2003 - 1:32 p.m.
I can't get rid of this
stupid cold. Wounded
by days of DayQuil, NyQuil, and FuckingsodoffalreadyQuil, it's
crawled into my chest to retaliate. I get this tickle in my throat,
so I cough until I sound like the mating call of an elephant
seal and internal organs threaten to loosen and float aimlessly
about my body. That somehow tickles my nose, so I sneeze several
times. Then I blow my nose vigorously. Then, my throat tickles.
Lather, rinse, repeat. Bah.
I was all congested last week
on the flight to California. The ascent was okay, except for
my usual 5 minutes of white-knuckled panic, but during the descent
my ears simply would not clear. As the plane lowered it got harder
and harder to hear anything and the pressure became more and
more painful until I stared glassily out the window, ostensibly
enjoying the view but internally fighting a very real and rising
horror that something in my head was going to implode. A few
minutes after we landed I finally, through frantic yawnings,
managed to clear everything and practically sobbed with relief
at the abrupt return of voices and noise.
I'm sketchy about flying. When
I was a kid, I loved it, but at some point the whole sense of
adventure got replaced with scene after scene of flaming wreckage.
It's taking off that really bothers me, not landing. For some
reason, it seems like after flying hundreds of miles, arriving
on the ground in one piece is a foregone conclusion.
Ascending, in my mind, is a different
thing - it seems like if something is going to go wrong, that's
when it will happen. I can't help picturing it; the sickening
pitch, the sudden yellow confusion of jangling oxygen masks,
the explosion of carryon luggage tumbling through the air. I
always wonder what I would do. Would I scream? Screw my eyes
shut and curl into myself, trying to block it out? Reach blindly
for the trembling hand of the stranger next to me? Or maybe I
would just dreamily look out at the ground rushing up to us,
and think, I knew it all along.
I just spent several minutes
spraying something called Aveda Brilliance into my hair. It's
supposed to make it look shiny. It occurs to me how stupid it
all is - washing your hair to get rid of grease, then immediately
spraying it back on. Scrubbing your face to get rid of oil, then
slathering it with various guck afterwards. Like it's ok if there's
goo on your body, as long as it came in an overpriced little
comments so far.
I have moved. - 1.03.2005
Obviously, a work in progress. - 12.27.2004
Happy holidays! - 12.24.2004
Listen, I am not a complete dick, it's not like I want Joe to die alone surrounded by cats or something. - 12.23.2004
Plus I am convinced my butt is extra big when it's upside down. - 12.22.2004